/lit/ - Literature

>>20923062
I wanna be Christian but I also wanna be gay.
What do?

>>19115057
I haven't felt like a person since I was pre-pubescent.
Puberty ruined my life.
I never figured out how to play the new game that emerges during adolescence when all the rules suddenly change.
Never figured out how to actually make friends in middle and high school. I just withdrew from the world and got cystic acne that left me with a bunch of scars. University was just more of the same.
People terrify me. When I'm walking down the street, if someone is coming towards me the muscles in my torso tighten up like my body is getting ready to fight. My throat tightens up too which makes my voice crack when I have to change polite hellos with the other person as we pass one another.
All puberty did was saddle me with an insane libido.
For my ancestors who didn't grow up in the alienating suburbs I'm sure it was extremely adaptive that they would feel an overwhelming urge to fuck any woman who's not ugly, and feel terrible when they aren't having sex, but in my case it's just added unnecessary desire and pain to my life that I would be better off without. I don't need for my neural processes to be hijacked any time I catch sight of something vaguely feminine in my peripheries.
I would be very content with my life had I never developed sexually.
On an intellectual level, I don't even want sex and never have. Sexual desire has always felt foreign to me. I don't desire women socially. I don't feel a social lack in my life that only a woman could fill. What I feel is that these involuntary impulses seize hold and take possession of me. It's not something that I want to want; I hate being subject to sexual desire. It feels like possession. I hate that I have to exert all this mental effort on nofap. It's like a cruel joke that I've been laden with sexual desire and yet made unfit to ever gratify it.
And even if I could, I don't think I would truly want to. Oh sure, I would if I could, but I wouldn't recognize any value in it. 1.5 minutes of friction and then ejaculating into a little balloon? It's the weirdest, most arbitrary thing imaginable. It's a completely meaningless act. Unless you're having sex for reproduction, it's utterly pointless.
Yes, I know some people will cite all the "mental and physical health benefits" that it offers, but can't you see that once you remove reproduction from the equation, the association those supposed benefits have to the act is completely arbitrary? And doesn't it seem mildly dystopian to repurposed sex into a health supplement whose only function is to keep producer-consumer bugmen well regulated so that their productivity doesn't dip?
Sexual desire makes me feel like a caged animal. I absolutely hate it.

If I was given the choice between never feeling sexual desire again or having a girlfriend, I would choose the former.

Recommend books that'd increase my IQ with every turning page

Anyone studied Judaism here? How does it compare to other monotheist religions? Worse, better, what?

here's mine:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/47904681-adnan-shahriar?shelf=to-read
don't be gentle please

You got 30 seconds to prove Islam isn't the truth.