/lit/ - Literature

Let me start off my apologizing for this not being /lit/ related. But I need /lit/ wisdom right now. I'll make up for this by making sincere posts in other threads.

For the past 6 months, I've been dating the most incredible woman I've ever met, and who I have fallen deeply in love with. I've been through my share of relationships, so I know what I'm dealing with. This is the real deal.


She has given herself to me entirely. She has given her body to me. She has given her heart to me. Sexually, she would do anything I'd ask. She's spent large sums of money on me, unsolicited. She's made various gifts for me, including writing letters on what I mean to her. I've never seen someone so in love. Didn't even know it was possible. Every time I see her looking at me, I see love in her eyes.

She is the sweetest, most patient, most tender, loving woman I've ever met. When I have to leave for any extended period of time, she cries. When I return, she jumps into my arms, and is crying again.This woman loves me to death. She feels she has found the one. Not only is there this emotional appreciation I have for her, but there is also an intellectual appreciation. She's creative, intelligent, dead honest, good communicator, extremely faithful, etc. She is truly, a special person. And I say that as a man who has been with lots of unspecial people. This is not some naive assertion.

In short, I love her. This is the one.

So things are going well, and I think I've found the one. 'm in love, I'm in rapture, etc. And then, about a week ago, something happened.

Here is the bomb drop. In a way, I asked, and she is dead honest with me because she loves me.

This is what she reveals to me: She had been in a foursome in her past, twice with the same people. Her, and three men. I feel a wave of agony rush rush over my body as I even type this.

She tells me this, and I'm speechless. My body feels like it's caving in on itself. I feel myself crumpling like a dead leaf. I don't even know what to say. All I know, is that I'm in pain. Even typing this and thinking about it brings me unspeakable pain.

I talk to her about it the next day. I tell her how when she told me that, I felt like I was going to die. She tells me it wasn't her. That she tried it once, then a second time, didn't enjoy it, and decided it wasn't for her. She told me, that this is her, that she wants me. That she wants this. She tells me she feels helpless when I tell her how I feel.

I don't know whats wrong with me now. I don't know what to think. Is it my pride? Is it my heart? Am I angry? Am I scared? Am I sad? All I know is this. I can hardly look at her right now. I can hardly touch her. And anytime I think about this. Any time I visualize her with three other men in my head, I simply want to die. I want to vomit. It just doesn't fit. The image doesn't fit. It doesn't fit my image of her. It doesn't fit anywhere in my life. I love this woman. I want to cry as I write this.

Please help me.