/lit/ - Literature

Not too good, not terrible

I feel like I am stuck at a crossroads of life and that life is either settling with a girl I am dating and by settling I feel like I understand the term solely now. Settling would mean coming in terms with all her ups as well as downs, things that irritate me, things I find repulsive, put a blind eye on that, enjoy little things, the fun etc and ultimately change myself in my core, have kids and all that. And I can do that, I am financially well off, my job is p good but every-time I think about it I feel like I will be coming off short.

I am tempted to come to conclusion that I will never truly relate to anyone in other than professional level (ie. personal lvl). I ended two long term relationships already in my life due to same reasons even tho they manifested differently. I am aware that its my ego in play too.
Feels like I ultimately want to be alone. I enjoy my melancholia, I always loved time I spent by myself and am asking myself If I even "want" settled life.