/lit/ - Literature

>>20656642
1. Watch your dialogue tags. You have a few mistakes in there, and though it's just a draft, you ought to never be making these mistakes.
2. Read up on as much religion as you can. Even in Christianity there are straight up bodies stacked over different interpretations of two or three words in a single Bible verse. It's an extremely difficult topic IMO.
3. Write however you want, but Satan should be an enigmatic and distinct presence in the book rather than a side character. He's written and feels like the latter here, and he sounds a little cartoonish. Maybe pair the MC and the saint with a lesser demon and have Satan come in and show up unexpectedly, making everyone go "Oh shit" in the process.
4. I glazed over the Bible verses. I don't think including them directly in the text like this is good form and would do snippets of call-answer. Bad guy says something nasty, Saint says "[text]. Psalm X verse Y." Then she can get raped or have her neck snapped or whatever it is.
5. I enjoy good dialogue but weaving the theme of a chapter into actions is something you ought to do. For futility and weakness, maybe the MC tries to do something drastic to brighten her day or fails hilariously to follow through because of his weakness, rather than me glazing through dialogue looking for where's the good text to start reading deeply.

>>20558313

>>18570333
>“Oh, inventories and forms,” Blunt waved his hand dismissively at the stage.
>“Thanks, boss.” Tad said, sullen, as he placed the glass back down on the table.

You won the prize!

>>18456879
>Try and catch my blade with your own.” Karl instructed

>>18414411
>"Yer fuckin bitch!" The third screeched
See fourth example under incorrect.

>>18408736
>but I honestly don't know what you mean by this.

>>18386005
>“This is cocaine.” Natty stated.

>>18359614
>"Four days Haels. Four whole days! What on earth were you doing?," said Quintan

>I didn't even edit this.
Every fucking time.

>>18349823
>>18349949

>>18332666

>>18311178
>“Hey!” He called to the dogs.

>>18300570

I have made informative OC to help people with their dialogue tags. Feel free to post this whenever you find someone who needs help getting it right.

t. resident dialogue tag autismo