/lit/ - Literature

I posted this before but it is still true so I am posting it again.

I don't want to know things anymore. I literally do not want to know all the so called erudite or smart thing rolling around in my head. It either makes me frustrated or unhappy. I feel like I don't know enough about any topic enough so if I start a conversation it end up with some fractured nonsense and no one learns anything and we all go home feeling like plebs. And if I know a little more then I just feel depressed that I cannot have a conversation at all.

Outside of conversation I feel terrible knowing certain things like philosophy. It has just made me despair. It makes me look at ordinary things and feel like I know some dirty secret about how it is a lie or a sham. I see through much and have not enough wisdom about how to actually go about handling the thing I am seeing. I wish I just spent my time at the gym and playing video games and going to the pub and have fewer thoughts.

I sometimes catch myself mumbling my thoughts and taking to myself under my breath in public then I have to pretend that I am chewing gum so I don't look weird. I am like a bookish Lovecraft protagonist that isn't actually smart enough to be an academic (I got mediocre grades as school despite being smart) and have already gone a little bit mad from seeing an Italian or something.

I have a manic desire to get rid of all my possessions and even get sick knowing I have any sentimental things that would hurt to throw out. I wish I had newer had to acquire them in the first place. I think this all has gone on long enough and feel I have seen it all now and much has lost its lustre. I am only 30. It is going to get worse.

I don't want to know things anymore. I literally do not want to know all the so called erudite or smart thing rolling around in my head. It either makes me frustrated or unhappy. I feel like I don't know enough about any topic enough so if I start a conversation it end up with some fractured nonsense and no one learns anything and we all go home feeling like plebs. And if I know a little more then I just feel depressed that I cannot have a conversation at all.

Outside of conversation I feel terrible knowing certain things like philosophy. It has just made me despair. It makes me look at ordinary things and feel like I know some dirty secret about how it is a lie or a sham. I see through much and have not enough wisdom about how to actually go about handling the thing I am seeing. I wish I just spent my time at the gym and playing video games and going to the pub and have fewer thoughts.

I sometimes catch myself mumbling my thoughts and taking to myself under my breath in public then I have to pretend that I am chewing gum so I don't look weird. I am like a bookish Lovecraft protagonist that isn't actually smart enough to be an academic (I got mediocre grades as school despite being smart) and have already gone a little bit mad from seeing an Italian or something.

I have a manic desire to get rid of all my possessions and even get sick knowing I have any sentimental things that would hurt to throw out. I wish I had newer had to acquire them in the first place. I think this all has gone on long enough and feel I have seen it all now and much has lost its lustre. I am only 30. It is going to get worse.