/lit/ - Literature

>>20050792
>Thanks, anon. If you don't want to read the entire chapter, even the first section would help.
Ok, I'm done. I kinda took a machete to your writing in the google docs. Don't be discouraged. Overall I enjoyed reading it!

The good:
>Many of your physical descriptions are clear and vivid. Your setting is beautiful and I want to see, hear, smell and feel more of it.
>The setting is fantastic and I can tell you've put in a great deal of thought about it. The post-apocalyptic western has been done before but this still feels fresh interesting. I certainly would want to explore more of your world.

Areas to improve
>Dialogue is flat and unrealistic. None of your characters (including Mac the MC) sound like real people. Dialogue is hard. Listen to how people talk irl
>Expository dumps:
You have some sections where the narrator or postmaster just shit out a huge info dump onto the page. You need to weave this information naturally into the narration and dialogue. It's OK if we don't have absolutely everything explained to us up front.
>Cliches:
You have a few cliches in your writing. Get rid of them. Find a unique way to say the same thing. This is the future! What new folksy sayings do they use in the future?
>Characters:
Your main character is flat. It's ok if we don't know exactly what he wants right off the bat but he needs to have a personality and a clear motive. Is he young and naive? Jaded and cynical? Kind? Selfish? Smart? Dumb? What does he care about? What does he value?

You seem pretty young from your writing. I think it's a fantastic world you've got. If you re-write this chapter, focus on making your main character feel as real as possible. How your character describes everything around him is a great way for you to build the character and his world at the same time. You've got your world, now breathe some life into the people living there.

Good work, Anon.