/lit/ - Literature

>spent several hours of yet another Saturday wandering aimlessly around London alone
>walked around South Kensington and saw all the attractive, wealthy fashionable couples excitedly on their way to some formal dinner or high-brow cultural event
>tfw memories of being "that kid" in school who tried his best to look indifferent to the fact he had no gf and who was pitied and patronized for his assumed asexuality or desire for love
>walked in a huge circle as usual and ended up back where I started and decided to just go home
>day gets dark really early so I have to experience the hellish vision of loving couples wrapped up warm and talking / laughing quietly as they rush home to enjoy their evening together
>tfw overhearing snatches of conversation and realizing how much I've missed out on in life
>tfw this evening hundreds of thousands if not over a million people in London will be cuddling in bed with their romantic partner whispering, kissing, hugging and experiencing mutual love and tenderness
>tfw another night spent eating junk food alone in my slum-tier flat trying to ignore the rastafarian blasting reggae with the bass turned all the way up

Are there any books in which the protagonist experiences something like this?

>tfw another Saturday spent wandering aimlessly around the city alone

Any books about this feel?

>seeing Chad and Stacey couples younger than me

How the fuck can Marcus Aurelius bullshit make loser males feel better after this? It's stupid. There is no just world.

>in London with nothing to do
>hot and sunny day
>just walking around feeling ugly

Guys, what the fuck do? Is IT (movie) good? I went to the British museum just because it's cosy but I now find it boring. I can't bear to stay indoors because it's like throwing away my youth. But I'm too ugly and friendless to do anything

I go to Camden town, Notting hill gate, and university of London areas to get the cathartic feeling of seeing happy young people living the youth I never had.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

It's a sunny day in London. What the fuck am I going to do with my time? I have no clue.

I'm going to read more of bleeding edge, which is surprisingly god but after that what can I do?

For the past three years, maybe more, my main hobby has been to sit around in public (previously in a car but now in busy places London), drink coffee, eat junk food and fast food, browse 4chan on my phone, and feel sad about life. I usually ended up driving around the same areas and now going through the same London underground routes and stations.

Through these times I was in a degree and then retail jobs and now a full time job I all hate and got no fulfillment from. The degree because I had zero interest in the subject and realised that going to a non elite university is automatic failure. Apart from exercising, which I have done for years and continue out of inertia, and reading some books, I could never bring myself to have any hobbies other than browsing the internet or going outside, feeling sad, and browsing the internet on my phone. To start anything constructive in my free time feels like being stranded in the middle of the ocean and deciding to swim in a random direction. I have had huge amounts of free time in the past and now but have barely made use of it.

A huge reason for my laziness and bitterness are the things listed below.

>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

Going outside is demoralising but so is staying inside, which I can't bear. It's humiliating knowing that if I work hard there are still teenagers everywhere getting rich off bitcoin or other schemes with 1 % of the effort. Or that the huge mass of normies simply glides through institutions where the only judgement comes from normies judging their normieness.

Societal propaganda affects me no matter how detached and bitter I become. Every single hobby or source of fun is turned in to a form of work and a hierarchy. Having fun reading books? No, read these boring books or you're dumb. Want to learn programming or maths? No, learn through these sources or you're dumb. The biggest benefit I could get is not a better brain that comprehends more, but a brain capable of ignoring things.

Of course as a male social failure I have noticed society's utter disgust with people like me. If I was to say any of this stuff in person (even online), I would quickly hear the Randian just-world replies from even the most politically left wing people. "Every social benefit I have was gained through bone crushing hard work."

>wake up telling myself I won't drink more coffee
>realise my ONLY pleasure on lonely Sundays is drinking coffee at my favourite place in London to feel less alone

And tomorrow when I go to my boring job, when London is busy and I see qts everywhere who consider me a disgusting subhuman, including in my normie infested office, only a coffee at lunch time will make me feel good.

But it ruins my sleep and makes me weak in the gym.

And another Sunday tradition is to go through a certain station and shocked by the amount of Staceys. Which is a cathartic demoralisation. ALL of them were fucking Chad last night.

>wake up
>read 45 pages of Ubik like a good little pseudointellectual consumerwhore
>read 33 pages of the fountainhead like a good little pseudointellectual consumerwhore (but I enjoyed it)
>clean my room
>go to gym and realise I'm still weak due to coffee ruined sleep- can BARELY do 5 reps of 315 lbs when 2 years ago I could go in to the gym and do 10 reps of 315 lbs on a whim
>hurt my back on the 4th rep and tell myself between 4th and 5th rep, "if I get this I'll give up coffee"
>immediately after doing the rep I think, "...after this weekend"
>now not even sure of that
>going in to central London to drink coffee, browse 4chan on my phone, feel sad about life
>saw multiple qts and Chad and Stacey couples just from my flat to the train (Saturdays are brutal)

Can I add anything new? Or is everything about life summed up?

I have no philosophy of life. I'm just floating in the nihilistic unspooked void. All goals, morals etc. seem like childish self limiting beliefs.

I feel like I have to read ten trillion boring books and go through boring as fuck textbooks. I feel guilty for not having an autistic tier level of focus.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

Currently lying in bed at 7:45 pm with nothing to do except read books until I fall asleep. There was nothing to do at my boring job so I arrived 4 hours late, had a 3 hour lunch, then went home 1 hour early.

All the Chads and Staceys and normies are having the time of their lives right now. I'll spend the next 3 hours reading books only for the pseudointellectual cred.

I'll wake up tomorrow and follow my weekend routine. Clean my room on Saturday, go to the gym, wonder how it could be 2 pm when I'm going to central London, where I sit around drinking coffee, browsing 4chan on my phone, feeling sad about life, then realise it's not worth going to museums when they're almost closed. I'll see Staceys everywhere and feel awful. I will walk around aimlessly. Then waste my evening either reading boring books or on the internet. Sunday is similar but with the museums closed and feeling more alone and aimless.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

Is anyone else a bitter and blackpilled ugly male? I am. Everything I do every day is tinged with the knowledge that I'm treated like shit due to my awful looks. And all my nostalgic memories feel the same way. Never having friends in university, never going to any parties when I went to school or university, and so on.

It's not an issue you see in the mainstream media, with its relentless propaganda. Ugly males who are social failures can turn even the biggest Marxist in to a just world Randian. "It's not because of your ugliness or my good looks! It's because of your laziness and my hard work!"

I am stuck in a bind to be honest. Caring too much about the thoughts of others is demoralising. I don't want to humiliate myself in public by trying to socialise. Every single activity, reading, lifting weights, turns in to a dominance hierarchy with its own form of work. But if I think for myself and ignore the useless noise, I suddenly have no motivation.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

Guys, I'm in London, outside because I can't stand my wasted youth, nothing to because I'm friendless, demoralised by all the Staceys I'm seeing, bored by everything.

I might see It. I will go to Camden town or university areas and other places to get the cathartic feeling of seeing prime youths enjoying what I was too ugly and beta to ever have.

I could sit inside and read or study maths or programming but pseudo intellectuals demand you read shitloads of boring books and go through boring textbooks. It is demoralising and it feels better to procrastinate by doing nothing than to enter more dominance hierarchies. I read 40 more pages of the fountainhead this morning and was inspired but realised I am too cowardly to practice its teachings.

My job requires so little effort, with such an inflated job title, you would not believe it. If you saw how brazenly late I was, how early I leave, you'd think I had a spine or more important things to do.

I've started eating junk food and fast food again because the sugar rush and carb rush acts like the caffeine rush: changing lethargic depression to unrealistically optimistic depression

UPDATE: I made this topic at 2 pm in a sunny day off. I then walked down Notting hill gate while feeling dad, went home to leave my sweatshirt at home because it was hot but ended up binging on junk food, browsing the internet, applying for jobs, and missing the sunshine. This was a microcosm of my previous 4 months.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

Another day of being a subhuman

>go to Edgeware road and walk through little middle East to North London
>everything in North London looks nice until I realise it's all roads and zero grass or water, like a concrete desert
>go through regents park on my way to Camden, one of the peak-subhumanity-feeling locations due to its youthful culture and corageous displacement of the economic hierarchy with a hierarchy of good looks and youth
>see lots of Chad and Stacey couples and become demoralised

>feeling particularly subhuman today because I don't know maths at a high level and am applying to better jobs instead of starting a software company
>want to learn programming and create stuff in my free time but feel like I have to go through SICP first
>can't enjoy free time because I feel like I have to read lots of boring books

>go outside
>eat for the first time that day at about 5 pm, after high volume lifting session earlier
>go for coffee afterwards, feeling satisfied a bit
>see genuine Chad and Stacey couple, with the blonde wearing a choker, advertising her huge sluttiness and the Chaddiness of the Chad that had to compete for her attention among the low thousands of irl and internet suitors

>day ruined

I'm so fucking bored with life. I feel guilty for not learning tonnes of stuff in my free time and not trying to make money and not reading lots of boring books. If I'm not doing everything everyday for 16 hours a day then I feel guilty. Procrastinating life by wasting it on the internet minimises my guilt. It's crazy logic but it is what I do.

I do so little at my job and stay there for so few hours despite my contract saying 9-5, you wouldn't believe me if I gave details. Nonetheless, being an ugly subhuman beta is hard work when you see attractive women everywhere, especially younger Chads and Staceys. I am locked out of society. Society is a scam that wants to use me up and throw me away. The workplace for normies is a place where they go to socialise with their clones and be judged by their clones.

I have an everythingstential crisis. I wish I had the autism that let me work on one thing for 10 hours.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

I'm so fucking bored with life. I feel guilty for not learning tonnes of stuff in my free time and not trying to make money and not reading lots of boring books. If I'm not doing everything everyday for 16 hours a day then I feel guilty. Procrastinating life by wasting it on the internet minimises my guilt. It's crazy logic but it is what I do.

I do so little at my job and stay there for so few hours despite my contract saying 9-5, you wouldn't believe me if I gave details. Nonetheless, being an ugly subhuman beta is hard work when you see attractive women everywhere, especially younger Chads and Staceys. I am locked out of society. Society is a scam that wants to use me up and throw me away. The workplace for normies is a place where they go to socialise with their clones and be judged by their clones.

I have an everythingstential crisis. I wish I had the autism that let me work on one thing for 10 hours.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing