/lit/ - Literature

Anonymous Fri Jul 1 02:11:20 2022 No.20609069 [View]
File: 68 KB, 846x629, still drunk but gave it my best.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>20608691
>Attached some thoughts on the opening, mostly just commenting on the need for Specificity. Need clear/flavorful visuals even it it slows down the story. Watch some of the ShaelinWrites tutorials on Youtube for enjoyable tips which help me too.
>My other issue is regarding the POV: it's very confusing to me as it feels very floaty and not grounded in the MC who I believe to be the man but it's just not clear. It has a 3rd omniscient elements (foreshadowing dialogue at the start) yet I didn't feel a strong 'voice of the narrator' was telling the story. I'd suggest committing harder to 3rd omnicient with a really clear narrator voice or more towards 3rd limited bound tightly to his view in the moment, the time jumping yet feeling like 3rd limited just wasn't working for me here.

>>20608615
>Down, Not Out
>Two Between
>Falling Heroes

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/lit/ - Literature

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