/lit/ - Literature

In my 4th year of uni. i have successfully made no friends. I have had maybe 3 people I considered friends but they got bored of me. The company I keep now has no idea who I am. My mum always said "fake it until you make it" they never told me I would just end up a soulless husk who is more of an actor than a human being. It's abhorrent advice.

Now my sleep is getting worse. It takes me 2 hours to fall asleep and I wake up constantly. I'm plagued with headaches constantly. Everyone around me is doing things to help their future careers. But I'm doing nothing. Do I even want to be alive in 10 years? I truly have no idea. I saw a therapist when I was 10 because I wanted to die. Over half my life like this now. My anxiety is worse. i'm jumpy half the time, my heartbeat is so fast all the time. I can't do a lifetime of this. Either I change or I snap. I've spent so much time in therapy it never works.

I do so much exercise, i read so much, i socialise even though I hate it, i constantly go outside my comfort zone and I have nothing to show for it.

Any tips? Do I just become a monk and leave all this behind