/lit/ - Literature

>>10079988
I like the details you get into, like the plywood window replacement. You're good at painting a picture of your world like that. Normally, I would critisize how often you use "I" but in this case it makes sense, since it's a story of war and survival is at stake. I do think that at times your wording is overly technical, other times unnecessarily complicated and as such in contrast with the feverish, hectic nature of the situation.

>>10080008
Hey, you incorporated my advice from last thread! Excellent. Your narration does seem much more personal now. I do find it a little wordy in places. Boil it down a bit, think of shorter ways of writing what you wrote without sacrificing detail and affection, and you'll be good. Think about the way you yourself think. Anyway, you're approaching realistic noir-ish inner monologue.

>>10080199
I'd buy it, as I am a sucker for mystical nature stories. Overall consistent style, well worded, lacking detail only where it is not needed. Are you going to turn this into a larger collection of short stories from the perspective of this nameless scholar? I'd like that.

>>10080242
Same as above. I'm a sucker for this kind of story. Overall consistent and well worded. I like the transformation the monster undergoes in the demon's presence, very believable.
You two are not perhaps the same author, are you?

>>10080363
Yes, this is true. Water and fire are good traditional metaphors for imagination and will. Keep at it, I'd like to read where this goes.

>>10079988
I like the details you get into, like the plywood window replacement. You're good at painting a picture of your world like that. Normally, I would critisize how often you use "I" but in this case it makes sense, since it's a story of war and survival is at stake. I do think that at times your wording is overly technical, other times unnecessarily complicated and as such in contrast with the feverish, hectic nature of the situation.

>>10080008
Hey, you incorporated my advice from last thread! Excellent. Your narration does seem much more personal now.I do find it a little wordy in places. Boil it down a bit, think of shorter ways of writing what you wrote without sacrificing detail and affection, and you'll be good. Think about the way you yourself think. Anyway, you're approaching realistic noir-ish inner monologue.

>>10080199
I'd buy it, as I am a sucker for mystical nature stories. Overall consistent style, well worded, lacking detail only where it is not needed. Are you going to turn this into a larger collection of short stories from the perspective of this nameless scholar? I'd like that.

>>10080242
Same as above. I'm a sucker for this kind of story. Overall consistent and well worded. I like the transformation the monster undergoes in the demon's presence, very believable.
You two are not perhaps the same author, are you?

>>10080363
Yes, this is true. Water and frire are good traditional metaphors for wimagination and will. Keep at it, I'd like to read where this goes.