/lit/ - Literature

its getting to a point for me where im wondering if i can be diagnosed with something and get neetbucks because my life has completely fallen apart with how mentally and now physically fucked up i am and ive tried a dozen times to hold a job but its never worked for more than a few weeks

>that part where pierre tries to become a better person, then becomes disillusioned when he feels he isnt making a difference, corrupt people like the guy running his estates fuck it up, and he finds out that institutions like the masons are just corrupt scumbags looking to network and garner political power for their own secular aims
>immediately goes back to into alcoholism and all the old bad habits

that part hit a little close to home

do you ever get the feeling that you literally just cannot be content and truly enjoy anything? there are moment in my life where i sit there and think about the nice things I do have in life like books and all sorts of stuff and i try to think " man, all tings considered this is pretty cozy if i could just stop and appreciate it" but then its like my mind hits a brick wall and i just cant feel content with anything.

the worst part is that i feel like almost all of the problems in my life stem from this inability to just relax and be content, so there is like a contant stress and anxiety and most importantly the feeling of chasing the dragon and being unable to reach satisfaction that absolutely destroys my ability to cement healthy functional habits and fix my life style, and then its a vicious circle because my inability to form such habits and a decent lifestyle prevent me from truly enjoying things. man I just want to be a better person.

>>17886538
>that wasn't REAL democracy

>>16956734
what in the goddamn

god damn I sometimes stay up till like 7 am just mindlessly browsing 4chan refreshing various boards expecting to find...i dont know, something that will make me happy? im not even sure why exactly, I just do it and i cant push myself to stop and go to bed. doing this honestly fucked me up pretty hard, I go through phases where I do it every night for months at a time

aah yes the butterfly flaps her wings and flutters away at the first sign of her beliefs being challenged by the most basic and fundamental inquiries. an interesting spectacle, she couldn't even answer one single basic question, and all with her facade of complete and utter self assurance. not even one question

>got my covidbucks deposited
>realize all the book stores are closed
i dont want to spend it all on booze lads