/lit/ - Literature

I find it very difficult to cope with being ugly. Most of the things I do in my life are in some way influenced by my omnipresent hyperconciousness regarding my ugliness. In fact in retrospect I believe my entire entire desire to write poetry was spawned by a need to "make up" for the ugliness I inflict on other people by existing.
I don't think going sexless has had a fortifying effect on my psyche or spirit. I don't feel any connection to God or a deeper spirituality by being chaste. I just feel malformed and burdensome. My entire ideology and way of navigating the world is based on beauty and I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I have one mirror in my entire house and I use it exclusively for hygiene purposes.
Monstrum in fronte monstrum in animo

I've always found a particular disgust towards racial fetishization, in all its forms. It's a visceral revulsion to the idea, dehumanizing a person for the sake of perverse sexual release. Whether it's paying black men to fuck your wife or "yellow fever" (or the very common reverse, in Latin America or SEA, where girls are told to find white husbands to amélior la raza or some shit like that)
I hate it. It's most common in America and I'm glad I don't live there. It's uniquely loathsome behavior.