/lit/ - Literature

I cant connect to anyone or anything without it feeling superficial. I know its the real me but something always just feels off. The world constantly feels alien to me. each day I wake up and forget the last. each day I wake up and feel like an old me has died and been replaced. I never know where I am or who I am. I want to go to a doctor but i know they won't do much besides prescribe anti-psychotics. Besides, I am still fully functional as a human being. I am beginning to lose interest in everything, I don't even feel lust anymore. When I agree to hook up with someone it's because I think it would be funny in a cosmic sense, not for actual desire.
I keep telling myself that it is normal what I feel and that everyone else feels it. That it's all just some elaborate act for attention. My mind is a constant haze with invisible forces pushing me every which way.
I don't even remember what made me start feeling like this, I just blame some untreated concussion from back in high school. I had a good childhood, even if my parents loved keeping secrets.
The only thing keeping me going is a general desire to 'understand'.