/lit/ - Literature

>>21568115
I think you have some really nice phrases ('guide him to the best fruits in the jungle', 'hold onto her large ears', 'some kind of authority in it such as a detective') and also some stuff that feels pointlessly affected or false ('glint of eve beating back the light', 'bleak modernity ', 'bedding her', 'a heap of experiences and torture on his shoulders'). ('Bedding her' might actually be a good one, because you kind of sense that the narrator's libidinally invested in the archaic sound of phrase itself. Can't decide.)

Overall, I feel confirmed in my theory that writing can't just be about 'expressing yourself'. You can't just point to things in your room and call it a story ('room' here also meaning, more broadly, the fishtank of your immediate subjectivity). There has to be some alien element. That alien element doesn't even have to come from, like, genuine life experiences. I can come from just following the logic of the story and the language, from gripping onto the large ears of the figure who feels both of you and beyond you, and seeing where she leads you.