/lit/ - Literature

>>22360471
I'm just going to give you some general tips since people are already dissecting your text in the google doc:
>Never infodump unless it's intentional, it's better for the readers to know things if and when they're required to rather than trying to pass as much information as possible because you want to tell them all about the cool lore you wrote;
>Avoid adjective and adverb overuse, they make your prose bland when used too often;
>Show rather than telling, don't tell me about how Nathan is socially awkward, trust that your readers aren't socially retarded enough to pass his behaviors as normal and socially acceptable;
>Avoid starting sentences with pronouns too often, there's other ways to start sentences other than using "He/Her" back and forth;
>Mind the temporal continuum, trying to fit way too many thoughts within what's meant to be a very short amount of time is neither possible nor great for the reader who has to digest that while not losing track of the dialog.
Pic extremely related.