/lit/ - Literature

I worry that I have been to 4chan too much and I hold my writing to far too high a standard, (you know what I mean) and that immersing myself in such relatively obscure and extreme artistic circles has developed my interests to some esoteric and disjointed niches that no one could ever be lured into reading about. What stresses me out about this on a secondary more guilty layer is that I am considering an audience while writing and that seems impure somehow. Then on a third level below that there is the guilt of knowing I am using an imagined highly picky and well read audience as a mental block to avoid writing or serious reading and just going off to play video games and it not only stops me from creating but also reinforces my pretentiousness, since by writing to that perceived higher standard it implies that I am writing above the plebs and every example of writing that tends this way I have hated. I worry that after my whole life I will have had one short story in a /lit/ magazine and a trunk load of unfinished novels that I was too scared to finish or show someone to my name.

So I am around about the place where I release a novel that I know to be compromised and later come to disavow after a lengthy identity crisis about how I am perceived wrongly and it's my own fault for misrepresenting myself, after which I write my magnum opus and then a failed followup chased soon after by my suicide via home made guillotine. Oh yeah, got it all planned out.