/lit/ - Literature

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND
>1. Take a week off from work.
>2. Jerk off for several days in a row, several times a day, to the hottest porn you can find. Totally goon out. Edge yourself for hours before cumming buckets, then get right back to it. Take breaks to hydrate, eat and sleep, but your full-time job is masturbation.
>3. Realize that you don't *need* a woman for sexual gratification, and that both the pursuit & attainment of sexual gratification is banal.
>4. Spend a couple of days not masturbating, just reading, cleaning up around the house, taking walks, "working on yourself," or whatever.
>5. After all this, wake up, shower, dress nicely, and then go out. Treat yourself to a nice meal somewhere with a pretty waitress. Reciprocate her professional "friendliness" with calm but warm courtesy, but don't even think about desiring her to do anything more for you than bring you food. Ignore her, unless she speaks to you. Pay. Tip. Leave.
>6. Go to where the "action" is: somewhere plenty of females go for whatever reason; perhaps a popular cafe, club, laundromat, or whatever.
>7. Look at the women, but don't stare. Notice their imperfections, their insecurities, their mental illnesses. Without condescending, realize that they are simply large children, psychologically. Don't be a douche; treat them as you would an adolescent.
>8. Just talk to one if she doesn't look too crazy or beat up. Maybe she's on the street, or riding public transportation with you, or seated nearby. Just find something to say. This is one of my best approaches:
her: *looking around for something to look at*
me: *make eye contact* "Hey."
>that's it! You don't want some corny pick up artist line; just this simple monosyllabic statement of your own existence and recognition of her existence. If she doesn't stop and look at you from nose to toes and verbally reply, then you've already lost *that* one; just ignore her and move on...
>...but if she does respond, you're 99% guaranteed to be fucking her tonight. I'd say 100%, but there's always that 1% variance of something being "off" with either one of you.
>9. Hang out with her, maybe join her on whatever errand she's running, then get something to eat together, then go back home with her to HER PLACE (never your place until you've thoroughly vetted her and are sure she's not a klepto- or pyromaniac or whatever crazy). Before this, you must've touched her elbow or shoulder or the small of her back, and she yours (reciprocating lite physical contact); this then sets the stage for you to sit down close to her in her comfortable private space/home. Don't make the first move, but be confident & comfortable. The subtly interplay of two potential lovers leads to more. Kiss. Maybe even fuck. You know you're in when she lets you sleep next to her the very same nite you met.
>10. Congrats: if you choose, you now have a girlfriend, but she's probably a total whore cuz she let u fuck her within hours of meeting her.