/lit/ - Literature

It's me again. I think I finished my creation myth poems now and wanted to know what you think of it.
I am writing with unreliable narrator and so this is just something the MC hears and not something that is confirmed true, it's more a cultural observation and less a definitive truth
https://pastebin.com/tkr5Zpip

I am currently writing my own fantasy stuff and wrote a creation myth poem for one character to recite.
I am having trouble with the poetic metre for now.
The writing thread is little help so would someone here be willing to read a few paragraphs to see whether the syllabic rhythm works?