/lit/ - Literature

Anonymous Mon Jul 18 14:13:10 2022 No.20696483 [View]
File: 720 KB, 1080x3250, Shower Thoughts Of Apricots_220617_110128.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>20696338
Sex. The last 2 lines need to be reworked but the rest is fine. I like "honey and a guillotine", but wouldn't something like "honeyed guillotine" work better? "Take my head and fill it up" I think could also change to make the double-meaning better. The 2nd to last line has too many syllables, it's too awkward. You could also do something a lot naughtier sounding to give the poem that extra punch at the end. Something like Herrick's The Vine.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 23 01:29:18 2022 No.20567759 [View] File: 720 KB, 1080x3250, Shower Thoughts Of Apricots_220617_110128.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>20566221 Sounds fun. How's this?

>>	Anonymous Sat Jun 18 16:36:33 2022 No.20544794 [View] File: 720 KB, 1080x3250, Shower Thoughts Of Apricots_220617_110128.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>20541392 One of my latest poems

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/lit/ - Literature

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