/lit/ - Literature

So I guess self-discipline is this thing where you have to work at it to accomplish life.
Wish I had known that back in the day. Beats the hell out of "positive thinking"

t. failure

>tfw talking to myself
>realize I'm softly speaking aloud
>look around in a panic to see if anyone heard me
>qt girl walking right behind me
>now I look even crazier
>stare at her frozen for a few seconds, eyes wide with terror
>she crosses the street

>>10758801
>mfw the system is too incompetent to effectively indoctrinate me so I'm forced to brainwash myself

>sunny day in London
>feel lonely on Sundays due to all museums being closed
>walked from Holborn station to king's cross
>saw an "Orwell lived here" plaque but couldn't find a security camera nearby to take a picture of both
>almost walked in to a private park banning adults without kids before seeing the sign
>saw St. Chad's Street (filled with bikes, warning signs, parked cars, a Subway; never seen a traffic light in its life)
>realised how much of a dump all the buildings are near king's cross
>managed to purge myself of most spooks and just feel empty inside
>it's 3:45 and I have nothing to do

Life truly does end after university. I'm like a wagie slave who is let out of the cage due to my copious free time. I'm free to wander and see how empty life really is.

I see those huge buildings and feel like there can be belonging if you go to that museum or work at that place. I work at a large office building and feel as much of a stranger as anywhere.

>sitting around drinking coffee in central London on a cool and sunny day
>nothing to do
>managed to avoid junk food for over 40 hours but I'm so ugly and such a loser I feel like I'm cucking myself for nothing
>have procrastinated any productive hobbies for years, such as making something with programming; I am an empty consumerwhore shell of a human
>feel sad at seeing Staceys everywhere who consider me ugly
>feel guilty over all the books I do or don't read, the things I do or don't learn and the ways in which I do then or don't

I want to see blade runner again in cinemas but I don't want to pay money that goes to attractive life on easy mode people. It's too disgusting to walk in Oxford Street or picadilly circus. My lunch break is so long I don't even think about work anymore.

If only I wasn't so lazy and such an insecure perfectionist, I would spend my time making stuff through programming, the saviour of many of this era's worthless genetic male waste.

Everybody else has such an easy life compared to me. They get handed everything. Accepted everywhere. Almost everyone else is such a faceless clone.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>sitting around in city of London
>chad and Stacey couple near me eating burger king and leave rubbish when they go
>realise that people don't care because they're chad and Stacey but I'd be judged as awful if it was me leaving rubbish because I'm ugly and that's just the brute logic of the society we live in
>walk through st james park and see Chad and Stacey couples everywhere
>went to the British library and it's filled with students who are studying subjects they love in maybe the best years of their lives

I have nothing to do today ffs.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>cloudy and normal temperature day in London
>the summer months of weekends walking outside in sun and heat, feeling overwhelmed my Chads and Staceys, have turned in to damp Saturdays spent feeling alone in the British museum and aimless Sundays
>become bored with all books and activites

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>have day off on a cloudy day in London
>leave house early, go to multiple museums, walk around busy areas of London
>walk through Camden to see the fun youth I never had
>feel like shit, feel like I have zero chance of any social life ever
>see huge crowds in Oxford street and realise it is peak normieville, see the adverts aimed at urban instagram yooth
>go back to house later on in day browse /fit/ for a change and see countless "Dude, brehs, I'm 18 and after years of being a loser and turning down the countless girls asking to suck my dick, I lifted for two weeks and now I'm fine!"
>"Dude, just go outside bro!"

Guys, what is meant to be outside? It is demoralising. Life is demoralising.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>lying in bed on a Saturday night in London while the normies enjoy the night
>another Saturday spent walking around aimlessly outside with nothing to do, seeing Chads and Staceys everywhere, went to mcdonalds and had chocolate when I got home
>have no clue what to do tomorrow; want to give up coffee and junk food but see no pleasure in life without them

Fuck this. How can I avoid junk food after 3 pm when I know I'm too ugly for things to matter?

I can't enjoy anything. Everything has been turned in to a hierarchy where you have to slave away to pay your dues. Reading for fun? Read 100 boring old books or you're dumb. Learning programming? Read these 10 theoretical textbooks or you're dumb. And so on.

Can hear music from the pubs nearby. fml

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

I posted the below last night and everything is going "according to plan."

I didn't think living in London could be so damn boring. I've exhausted all places to go.

I'm going home and feel like I may eat a load of junk food. Usually I tell myself it is the last binge but I won't lie to myself.

>I'll wake up tomorrow and follow my weekend routine. Clean my room on Saturday, go to the gym, wonder how it could be 2 pm when I'm going to central London, where I sit around drinking coffee, browsing 4chan on my phone, feeling sad about life, then realise it's not worth going to museums when they're almost closed. I'll see Staceys everywhere and feel awful. I will walk around aimlessly. Then waste my evening either reading boring books or on the internet. Sunday is similar but with the museums closed and feeling more alone and aimless.

>>10027364
>tfw you're an Ellison-style invisible man

Another hot and sunny day with nothing to do in London and I can't stand staying inside because it's like admitting my 20s are wasted and I'm a social failure. And I'll go outside but feel bad seeing all the Chads and Staceys.

I went to the gym and did my subhuman compound lift workout.

I had coffee outside and saw a demoralisingly large amount of attractive women. I shitposted on 4chan and felt bad about having no passion in life. I considered the uremmiting bullshit permeating the econot

I went to Hyde park, where there's a concert nearby that draws lots of young people that remind me of my subhumanity.

Now I'm sitting in a small park in central London realising that I've wasted the day and there is nothing left to do but drink coffee and watch the slow build up of Chads and Staceys getting ready to go on nights out, taking full advantage of their youths.

Another hot and sunny day with nothing to do in London and I can't stand staying inside because it's like admitting my 20s are wasted and I'm a social failure. And I'll go outside but feel bad seeing all the Chads and Staceys.

And if I stay inside I'll just feel like I have to read shitloads of boring old books. That sums up everything. Even if I had friends it would represent another hierarchy that I would be pressured to climb under threats of humiliation.

I spend too much time browsing the internet but I think it's safe to say it's the best social life I'll ever have.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>>9995830
>tfw no bisexual black girl with mental illness (male) gf

This morning I decided to read some more of the fountainhead, a book I am enjoying. I decided that even though I pressure myself to read many books, I would read in a relaxed manner to fully enjoy it. I did enjoy it and read for about 35 pages.

What if I don't feel like reading more when I get home? How can I read only 35 pages a day when the book is 700 pages long? Reading little bits is the mark of a pleb. Do I need to cultivate a better attention span? Or do I need to disregard enjoyment and read as long as possible because fun and boredom are dumb concepts?

What if I feel like starting a new book as well? Does that mean I dislike the one I'm reading?

>want to get good book everyone keeps ranting about for spine biomechanics and how reduce back pain written by a renowned professor

>It's $40
Should I just pay it?

>>9412559
holy shit delete this

>ywn submit an absurdist article to cracked that is both entertaining and informative and get paid $100 for it because they've lost all sense of comedy and just shitpost endlessly about muh social justice
I just want to see my name in print. Should have done it four years ago, but I wasn't confident in my writing ability.

>>9146268
1) No.
2) Still had a woman go out of her way to tell me she wasn't impressed.

>finished university 1.5 years ago
>had minor part time jobs since then and shitloads of free time
>still have shitloads of free time
>wasting all that time
>currently told myself I'd start working hard but i'm listening to early 00s pop punk and feelng sad because I don't live in 90s california
>have gone to london for interviews but failed them because I'm not a normie and where I live feels small time
>currently lying to myself and telling myself that I can simultaneously live the literary "drink coffee and browse 4chan" lifestyle while also working hard on stuff
>know deep down I need to sacrifice all my free time to get anything done at all
>tfw smart enough to see through all of philosophy as unfalsifiable garbage but can't handle frustration so can't get actual non-trivial programming / mathematical learning done

>>8962464
>tfw I share a chromosome with >>8962464

OK, I'll be blunt. I'm nearing the end of a uni degree where I had zero friends or social experiences the entire time, despite a near perfect attendance. I've never been to a pub or club or party. Apart from having sex with prostitutes I've never done anything with girls, not even flirted. I have a normal westernised accent and grew up here but I have middle eastern parents. I'm fine with my height and all that stuff but I probably have an ugly face (it varies from 2 to 6 out of 10 depending on whether I'm looking in a mirror or taking a picture of myself etc).

What the hell is there for me in life? Guys, I'm not seeing the appeal. What do the other people like me even do?

>tfw want to read DFW but have to read the whole Western Canon in chronological order until I get to him or else I won't appreciate him to the fullest extent
>mfw reading a big boring list of greek ships in the Iliad
>mfw it's going to be a while before I can get to Infinite Jest

>chapter's getting boring
>skip it
>read next chapter
>completely lost
>tfw have to read the boring chapter because it's actually important to the story