/lit/ - Literature

>>20875909
Dirt roads aren't paved. 'trammeled by the' 'flattened by pilgrims traveling to' or something.
Pentagon is singular, not plural.

You're really jumping around in time and space.
Pilgrims. Builders. Barbarian raiders. If you want to use the road/pilgrims as your POV, then described things as they would approach: first towers in the distance, then walls, then center. Or, if you want to do it historically, describe the barren hills, the first construction, the growing city, the fall to barbarians, etc. You're doing both and out of order.

Try to weed out unnecessary passives.
>As it were called
>were capped with a roof
>Was tipped and roofed
>could be swayed
>Was besieged by
>was sealed by
Sometimes a passive voice is necessary, but this is too many. It makes it wordy and sluggish.

Similarly, you can weed out present progressives (was running) and replace them with simple past tense (ran) to lighten the prose. And remove 'started to' or 'began to'.