/lit/ - Literature

You, guy, are just starting out and that means that most feedback is going to be, 'this sucks try again.' And that's good advice.

So that said I read your first paragraph and thought to myself, why do so many of your fuckin' nouns have agency? Why does your city find itself somewhere? Why has Monday brought something? Also, I get weather is almost the definition of atmosphere, but shit that first paragraph needs Mark to have a problem fuckin right away. I need those used tampon clouds (you fuckin kidding?) to remind Mark that he just murdered his cousin and needs to get rid of the body. He can philosophize all he wants as soon as I give a shit about what's happening to him. Fiction needs conflict mother fucker.

Also, loose all adverbs until your 30th birthday.

>>7080834
berryman