/lit/ - Literature

im such a fucking loser. i want to cry, i want to yell out a cry but i cant show myself to family i will be seen as pathetic. im falling to self loathing i hate this i cant escape it. im getting fit, i draw regularly, study for my college but why am i not fulfilled? what am i missing. walks in the park dont help anymore.
i started to hug myself in the shower under hot water. i got shivers so i guess it works. saying nice things to myself that its alright just for another day. it helps a little but i feel pathetic for even resorting to it, my own self therapy