/lit/ - Literature

my entire self improvement framework i've been pushing down my own throat is falling apart and im indifferent towards it. I've tried reading multiple philosophical books lately and they are all so fucking boring i can't read more than a few pages at a time of forcing myself so I stopped. I tried NoFap but there's nothing else fun to do so I gave up and now just bust when im bored. The only thing I've been sticking to is weightlifting, only because I actually enjoy it "in the moment" and don't care as much about the results. I think the whole self improvement thing of forcing yourself to do shit you don't want to is slave mentality (I dont mean that in whatever way that Nietzche guy used it i've never read him L.O.L) The only thing I've been obsessively reading about is cavemen, they are so interesting to me. I've lost all interest in politics or anythign related to modernity. I find both the Traditionalist worldview (I did read Guenon ROFLCOPTOR) and modern scientific rationalism worldviews retarded and I just want to be a cave man with a stick poking mammoths. I don't really know any of my views on things, I bounce between hating Christianity and praying to God, I bounce between wanting to be an ascetic and a hedonist every fucking day and I've finally started accepting this is just how i operate and i dont care anymore. I care less and less of society or others opinions of me, I just want to live how I want but most of it is just being depressed and browsing here so whatever i guess. i have no strong convictions other than i want to fuck gorls and kill something with a spear