/lit/ - Literature

Feels like I died several years ago and now just my body remains like a zombie I walk around and every day it's like a blur, no emotions, no highs, just waiting around to die. Without the prima materia my body has been slowly withering away and I can already feel my organs starting to fail. I also quit all stims and drugs last year and now there is this type of calm that's taken over me like when you know it's over and there is nothing left to say or do because the inevitable draws near.

You may probe into the heart of literature and reap its many fruits, you may rest into the bosom of gnosis attainment for many years, even decades, but there will come a time when all the knowledge you conquered and cherished will be violently robbed of you, and you will have to go into dark depths alone and vulnerable. Death comes for all. Each breath you take, each page you turned, each book you read, each library you studied takes you closer and closer to the final hour. Death never stops coming closer, and here you are, totally vulnerable to this most terrible god yet without the smallest amount of worry in your heart, just like a naive cow being led to the slaughterhouse where she will be decapitated.

How can you ignore this most important fact? You're all extremely intelligent and knowledgeable in the literature domain, yet you ignore the invincible demon that will eat your heart very soon! How can you tarry? The intelligent person will clearly see that he should focus all his efforts in overcoming this most definitive destiny. All else is secondary. Don't waste your life reading books!

>try to write about bad past experiences
>memory gets fuzzy
>get confused whether my memories are real
>words stop making sense, have to take break and come back