/lit/ - Literature

Desiring relationships with people and actively trying to nurture them has really only ever hurt me, so I think I'll just deliberately push people away. I'm a short, ugly dude with a prickly personalty anyway so it's not like people are pushing each other over to approach me - usually I have to approach people first and force things a little in order to make any headway, so doing nothing will stop 99% of that. If someone did actively take an interest in me personally and try to pursue me, I'd suspect them of having ulterior motives and refuse to let them get close anyway.
This sounds kind of dramatic but after so many failed relationships and personal problems caused by poor communication skills, and many times where I ended up hurting people or burdening them because of my own autism, I've simply had enough.
My career goals are to find a way to work remotely or in a setting with a limited amount of human interaction so that I can move very far away from big population centers. I'd love to live in a remote cabin in Montana or Alaska and speak to another human being a couple times a year at maximum. I've already started working towards that.

>>20753456
How many of these do you check off?

I've been having a tough time lately. I don't really fit in at my workplace and don't really have a social life outside of work. I guess I never really figured out how to connect with people properly when I was younger.
I went home for a little bit and now I'm about to leave again and I'm realizing that I never really fit in with my family either, and that even though they love me I was really just a burden to them most of the time. They're way happier now that I've moved out.
I'm struggling to find a sense of purpose in my life. It doesn't really seem to matter how much money I make or where I go in life since at the end of the day I come home to an empty house and sleep alone. Sometimes I feel like some kind of alien creature squeezed into a human body as I try to navigate social situations, or that there's some 6th sense that others were born with but that I don't have. It would be nice if I could go full autist mode and just forget about other people completely in favor of my own hobbies and interests, but instead I just feel crushingly lonely and afraid to keep living in a world I don't really understand.

>mfw imaginary conversations with people asking me about mundane topics
>mfw can only make dumb jokes or make autistic rants about weird niche topics when speaking
>mfw no hobbies or interests just shitposting on 4chan and consooming hentai
>mfw no personality

Books for this feel?

>>16270326
Anon, what are you trying to say with the post?