/lit/ - Literature

>>14802119
>>14802119
>Ya, post the rest if it makes it cleaer (in jpg tho pls)
I've worked on it since yesterday so it's slightly different now.
>The problem with it though is that what you have written gives off the idea that he will actually fail everything for a minuscule thing so maybe make it seem more of an actual threat "I will personally make sure you...."
I see your point, I'll work on that.
>uh, yeah, i guess? But you didn't say how he got it, why he got it etc etc, if you have written about your own experience, then try write it ALL out in absolute EXCRUCIATING detail and then cut it down, its better to have to cut a bunch down than include more when your memory changes
I attempted to express this in describing how Davis speaks and that the other drills call him Rattlesnake, but I agree that it's weak. He's extremely angry all the time and his way of speaking is as if he's striking verbally. It's difficult to express accurately and I've wrestled with that part for about a year. Describing it in a way that expresses the but doesn't seem stupid is pretty hard. Thanks again.