/lit/ - Literature

What are some essential works on aesthetics?

>>11876585
I feel like I’ve missed out on my chance to be human. I don’t know anyone who I’m not related to and I lack the ability to forge basic human connections with others. I fill my day with mindless activities like shitposting in order to keep my mind occupied. This place has been my only connection with humanity for the past 10 years and I don’t understand why I still come here, I know it’s all fake. Despite this I can’t always keep my mind from wandering and I am filled with regrets, haunted by a nostalgic past that never came to pass. I am constantly thinking about what I could’ve done differently in order to avoid this fate but now I feel as if it’s too late to change anything at my age. I don’t enjoy things anymore either, not video games, books, tv, movies or art, it’s all meaningless. Lately I’ve taken to starving myself as some sort of penance, it’s hard to think about anything other than food when you’re truly hungry. I feel unwelcome in this world. I realize I have no one else to blame for my inability to connect with others but myself and try to be as compassionate as possible to those around me. However, I can only endure this for so long and the only thing keeping me from ending it now is the thought of how damaging it would be to my parents. I couldn’t hurt them in that way. When they are gone my only connection with this world will be severed and then I’ll finally be free to end it. That thought brings me peace.