/lit/ - Literature

>>13154333
dad found the momcest NTR novellas

>>11208058

i was chatting for 10 days or so with a female who looked alright. By alright i mean characterwise. Most tinder bitches are the usual stacies with tons of makeup and thousands instagram followers but this girl seemed like the girl from the next door. Lookswise she was a 6.7/10. She was friendly to me & seemed interested. She asked me several times how was my day and such and used lots of smileys and shit. We agreed to meet for a walk or a drink. Our ''date'' was only 45min long. When i first saw her i immediately brightened up. She seemed to be in good mood too. We went for a walk at the beach and talked about us. I made her laugh a few times and i rly thought it was going well. When i asked her to go for a drink,she refused. She said thats enough for a first date and she wants to go home. I escorted her to her bike. I asked her if we will meet again and she said no i dont think so. I asked her why not and she said there is not good communication between us. I told her so what,i m a man and you are a woman and thats enough. She said no it's not enough. I asked her do you find me ugly?she said awww no,i m sry but sometimes it is like that. I told her no it's not sometimes like that,it's always like that. At this point i could not keep it anymore so i told her good night and walked away and broke out in tears. She blocked me on whatsapp within 10minutes without saying anything.

As i was crying i decided suddenly to go to the brothel. Idk how i came up with that,my mind was not clear. I had no intention to fuck though. I wanted to touch the skin of a female,maybe get a hug or even feel some titties. I entered the building and saw 3 stacies in full bimbo mode. I approached them and said hi. One of them asked me do you want to come inside?i said sure why not. She was a solid 8.8/10. She closed the door and asked me do you want a bj or sex? I told her i want to see you naked. That polish dumb cunt with her kindergarten level english could not understand the word naked. I tried to explain to her but after of 2-3 minutes of arguing she became mad and told me to get out of there. I left and didn't bother with other whores. She exited her room and said something in her slavic subhuman language to the other slavic whores and they all laughed. I went home and cried myself to sleep. I m pretty sure i m going to kill myself in the next 3 years.

>tfw I literally don't have the balls to live life the way I want
>feel like I have to read shitloads of boring old books or else people will call me a pleb
>feel like I have to go through SICP even when I find it boring
>took me over 6 months to grind through Nicholas Nickleby and the Brothers Karamazov- they were boring as fuck
>procrastinating reading great expectations- halfway through and it's boring as fuck

I truly believe that my tastes reflect much more intelligence than some stupid "literary intellectual's" citation circlejerk idea of brothers Karamazov having "profound insights". I feel like I will always be trapped in to reading stuff I am told to read even though I believe that boredom is an incredible bullshit detector.

It's so demoralising to realise that women have everything handed to them with preferential treatment and career success is 99 % networking, fitting in with normies, being judged by normie committees, and bullshitting. How can anyone give a fuck? It's near impossible.

I wish I had the type of autism that let me work on one thing for 10 hours in a row. I resent my lack of will to do this.

Coffee ruins my sleep and therefore gym strength. I will have to give it up soon and what will I have left to do when my main hobby is sitting around in public to feel less alone, drinking coffee, browsing 4chan, feeling sad about life? Barely anything.

>when you randomly make eye contact with a woman and she has that blank expression and you know deep down she is thinking, "Ewww, he's not Chad, get away from me creep!"

I read history books on my phone on train rides. I'm not sure whether this "efficiency" of reading in spare minutes is dehumanising or smart.

>REALLY hot and sunny bank holiday day in London
>Notting hill carnival nearby
>Stacey levels off the charts; morale critically low
>another day in the life of a subhuman ugly beta nofriends loser loner autist

Need I say more?

>hot and sunny day in London
>feel awful seeing attractive women everywhere who consider non Chads subhuman
>feel under pressure to do a million different things in my free time (learn programming, make money somehow etc) and read shitloads of boring as fuck classic books or else I'll be called a pleb
>everything feels like work, every activity consisting of a hierarchy filled with drudgery

I can't really emphasise enough how demoralising it is to see Chads and Staceys everywhere. I'm an ugly subhuman locked out of any opportunities. Going to the gym never made a difference.

My youth is being wasted yet I have no way not to waste it. I have no passions. I hated my degree. In short, I've never done anything intellectually fulfilling in my life. And the working world is nothing but a test of normieness by normie clones.

Currently sitting outside, hoping my youth will spontaneously become good.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly

I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless world. I see people as disgusting. My jealousy comes out of nowhere and it disgusts me due to it making complete sense.

>see guy around my age with his hot gf and they look at me with that "Aw, look at the ugly creature" look
>get madly jealous and randomly the thought, "the best revenge is a life well lived" goes through my mind
>realise as I'm thinking it how pathetic and spooky it is, the coping mechanism of a genetically deficient organism
>see someone reading a maths book
>feel hatred for them because they might think they're smarter than me

Guys I'm not going to lie, being unspooked is tough as fuck. I worry that marketers and advertisers are trying to take advantage of me.

I have no life philosophy. Work on many things? Work on one thing? Do what I enjoy? Do what others say is important? I have no clue. I want to do 50 things at once. I see all sides. I started reading more recently and worry about "reading myself stupid". I try to remember what I read when sitting on the train and although I know the condensed outline, and see this as enough, I get annoyed for not remembering perfectly.

I am an ugly beta male who has never had female attention, even at the age of 26, has had no social life since 18, and became the ugly loser loner that nobody talks to within two days at work. Seeing attractive women everywhere is torture when I know they have lives on easy mode, consider me a disgusting non chad, and have 50999 tinder matches.

If I spent all my time doing all the shit I'm supposed to do, I'd have no time for anything. Everyone else is a fraud. Everyone else is either a woman who gets everything handed to them or a normie who glides through institutions while being judged by their clones.

My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) sprinkles on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.

It's really unbelievable to think that I could ever get a gf or sex with anyone other than escorts. It's demoralising seeing women with their bfs because I missed out on all of that back in university and school and my early 20s, which means any future example of it, as unlikely as it would be, would be based on the woman trying to get beta bucks. It has already been confirmed that I am an ugly reject of society. Imagining myself with a girl at my side that isn't constantly judging me as a beta loser, desperate to walk away, makes me see it as unbelievable.

>read 2/5 of great expectations
>read 2/3 of manufacturing consent
>read 3/4 of guns germs and steel
>finding them all boring
>can't bear to stop reading because pseuds will insult me (both lit and irl)

Can someone recommend some actually entertaining books? I have read about 2 new entertaining books in the past year. Most books are fucking boring

>"just talk to them"
>just talk to them
>just laugh at me

JUST

>tfw so bitter I seriously contemplated vandalism of a normie looking person's property
>tfw look at Reddit forever alone and see bluepill advice for ugly beta males and can't even bear to rage-read anything, just close the tabs
>similarly with other bluepill advice Google results
>go to gym in late evening and on the way see normies younger than me at clubs, living the life I'll never have
>feel like every hobby consists of a hierarchy to be forced to work in
>the entire economy requires looks, social skills, extroversion, and networking to succeed in- none of which I am capable of due to being an ugly beta loser

My spirit is crushed. I only read books in case people call me a pleb. I only go to the gym to avoid fatness. Everything is a chore. Conmen, snake oil salesmen, people laughing at me etc are everywhere. I've never had female attention even at the age of 26. I am blackpilled.

Putting in no effort at work is currently my main pleasure.

>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>feel like a failed normie due to my suffering over this and my bitterness / laziness / existential angst stopping me from learning in my copious amount of free time
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly
>see normies talking at work while I sit alone and know they are on the same wavelength
>my current main hobby is sitting in busy places in London to feel less alone, drinking coffee, browsing internet on my phone, feeling sad about life, and hoping an act of God will fill my 20s with something good

What do I even have to look forward to? I feel like I need at accept failure, try to become addicted to programming, and make money. I wish I had the autism that would make this the easy choice.

I read books but it just feels like failure. Books and movies are written for normies. It's like reading about a sport when I'll never play it

>sunny and soon to be rainy weekend in London
>went outside, feel sad seeing all the qts with 5000 tinder matches and who consider me a disgusting non chad
>would feel like a loser if I stayed inside
>feel like a loser when I'm outside
>going to go to the museums just to have something to do
>will feel like I'm an insincere fraud when I'm in them, as I don't truly care about decorations (V&A museum) or pottery (British museum) and the science ones are aimed at redditors kiddies

I think I may go to the city of London bank area and canary wharf because they are deserted on weekends.

I do so little work at my job and arrive so late and leave so early and have such long lunch breaks, it is truly less stressful than my free time.

>tfw don't have the initiative to actually do anything with my free time other than mindlessly browse the internet or wander around London, hoping a divine intervention causes me to stop thinking my youth was wasted (used to drive around my old city doing the same thing)
>tfw read books and go through programming tutorials but too lazy to go off the beaten path and do anything in the real world (write creatively, actually make something)
>tfw feel guilty 100 % of the time about not learning or doing a million different things a million different ways
>tfw all this time I know kids are getting rich on the internet, normies are having fun in real life
>tfw all advice and advertising feels like propaganda and advertising

When you get right to the core of things, I simply don't have the balls / will / (whatever you want to call it) to follow my own interests and intuitions.

>graduate
>spend 2 years working part time wagecuck jobs while living at home and wasting all my free time and feeling demoralised
>move to London after getting full time job

>just barely make enough to pay for everything
>job is boring but thankfully light on work and never goes past 9-5
>became the ugly loser loner beta nobody talks to only a few days after starting
>realise I'll never have the social skills needed to succeed among normies

>had zero social life since school, no female attention ever, blackpilled and know women find non Chads disgusting
>see guys younger than me with gfs and feel insanely jealous
>see normies socialising effortlessly (including people who started after me) and feel bitter
>feel under pressure more during my free time than work because I feel like I have to learn maths / learn CS / do practical programming / read lots of books to be smart and successful and have a social life to stop wasting my youth (i.e., I feel bad because there aren't 100 hours in a day)

Well this is demoralising. And this is with a really low work government job. If I actually had to work hard and work a full 8 hours or more then I'd go crazy.

My free time consists of procrastinating over dedicating all my time to some other heirarchy I can feel bad about (i.e., programming).

And you know what really runs it in? The normies who get jobs easily due to normieness and poshness. The women with lives on easy mode and sugar daddies and bfs handing everything to them while society uses me as a disposable battery and deluges me with propaganda. The thousands of teens on the internet getting rich for wacky reasons (apps, crypto, exporting marmite to Tajikistan) while I stick my nose in to SICP- a nerd too scared to go off the beaten path, cowed by the masses while at its bottom rung.

I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless world. I see people as disgusting. My jealousy comes out of nowhere and it disgusts me.

>see guy with his gf
>get madly jealous and randomly the thought, "the best revenge is a life well lived" goes through my mind
>realise as I'm thinking it how pathetic and spooky it is, the coping mechanism of a genetically deficient organism

>see someone reading a maths book
>feel hatred for them because they might think they're smarter than me

Guys I'm not going to lie, being unspooked is tough as fuck. I worry that marketers and advertisers are trying to take advantage of me.

I have no life philosophy. Work on many things? Work on one thing? Do what I enjoy? Do what others say is important? I have no clue. I want to do 50 things at once. I see all sides. I started reading more recently and worry about "reading myself stupid". I try to remember what I read when sitting on the train and although I know the condensed outline, and see this as enough, I get annoyed for not remembering perfectly.

I am an ugly beta male who has never had female attention, even at the age of 26, has had no social life since 18, and became the ugly loser loner that nobody talks to within two days at work. Seeing attractive women everywhere is torture when I know they have lives on easy mode, consider me a disgusting non chad, as have 50999 tinder matches.

I trust my intellect and taste but I am always abused by the pseudo intellectuals who claim I need to suspend these and worship and spend my money. If I spent all my time doing all the shit I'm supposed to do, I'd have no time for anything. Everyone else is a fraud. Everyone else is either a woman who gets everything handed to them or a normie who glides through institutions while being judged by their clones.

My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) droplets on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.

I'm unspooked as fuck. I see myself living in a meaningless world. I see people as disgusting. My jealousy comes out of nowhere and it disgusts me.

>see guy with his gf
>get madly jealous and randomly the thought, "the best revenge is a life well lived" goes through my mind
>realise as I'm thinking it how pathetic and spooky it is, the coping mechanism of a genetically deficient organism

>see someone reading a maths book
>feel hatred for them because they might think they're smarter than me

Guys I'm not going to lie, being unspooked is tough as fuck. I worry that marketers and advertisers are trying to take advantage of me.

I have no life philosophy. Work on many things? Work on one thing? Do what I enjoy? Do what others say is important? I have no clue. I want to do 50 things at once. I see all sides. I started reading more recently and worry about "reading myself stupid". I try to remember what I read when sitting on the train and although I know the condensed outline, and see this as enough, I get annoyed for not remembering perfectly.

I am an ugly beta male who has never had female attention, even at the age of 26, has had no social life since 18, and became the ugly loser loner that nobody talks to within two days at work. Seeing attractive women everywhere is torture when I know they have lives on easy mode, consider me a disgusting non chad, as have 50999 tinder matches.

I trust my intellect and taste but I am always abused by the pseudo intellectuals who claim I need to suspend these and worship and spend my money. If I spent all my time doing all the shit I'm supposed to do, I'd have no time for anything. Everyone else is a fraud. Everyone else is either a woman who gets everything handed to them or a normie who glides through institutions while being judged by their clones.

My spiritual malaise is entrenched and I refuse to sprinkle Christian (or any other) droplets on it like the low IQers, pseudo intellectuals, and the frauds.

Can I be a good writer if I'm a sheltered white guy with no meaningful life experiences or relationships?