/lit/ - Literature

do you stop reading a book when you are not enjoying it or just keep powering through? I only stopped reading a book once in my life and it was Atlas Shrugged, I believe it was justified.
I'm reading Proust and honestly it bores me, but I can't justify stopping it, I'm at second chapter of In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower. I am honestly don't give a fuck about what Odette wears, which guests come to visit or what are the friction between the Narrator and Gilberte, I don't care.
But I can't stop, I've sunk so much time already.
I want to read Gargoyles by Bernhard.

Just when i thought good reads couldn't get any worse
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1186891033?book_show_action=true&from_review_page=1

>like the idea of being a well-informed intellectual capable of critical thinking, logic, and reason
>lack any incentive and willpower capable of taking me there
>lack the patience to digest information over a period of time

>like the idea of having the best possible physique im capable of
>lack the effort to work out, have a routine diet with healthy foods, and the effort required

>like the idea of being an artist
>lack the incentive aside from wanting to build an identity for myself and the patience needed to nurture a talent over time

>like the idea of reading
>lack the discipline to remain consistent and take part in literature

How do I overcome this /lit/? How do I find the motivation within myself as opposed to being stagnant between my two viable options?

I know who I want to be, but I don't actually want to be that person. I just like the idea of being them.

>reading on the train every day
>nobody asks me anything

Reading fiction is my only true relief from crippling depression.

I am fundamentally not attractive to women and am okay with being forever alone at this point. Not trying is better than trying and inevitably failing and getting my heart ripped out.

The stream of consciousness of my brain is constantly telling me that I am awful, which is honestly true. I am unhappy because I am an awful person that doesn't deserve happiness. I do bad things and make bad decisions and am a bad person.

I have hardly any energy and little will to change my shitty life. I've tried meds (they suck) and I distrust the mental health industry in the United States, which serve many interests but the patient's only as an aside. I've never met a therapist that had real insight that was relevant to me. My health plan is also shitty so I can't afford these things even if I wanted to.

I've been to psych ward a couple times and my God, it is the most humiliating, degrading experience that I could have imagined. I will never recover from that experience, ironic considering that psych wards are supposed to help depressed people.

Just existing is pretty agonizing.

Once my parents are dead I will shoot myself in the face.

In the meanwhile, the only real relief I get is from reading fiction.

It is like taking on the stream-of-consciousness of someone else for a while and shutting off my own. I can't focus on TV to make it take my mind off of things. But reading does the trick. Reading actually makes me feel less lonely, it's magical.

Any other anons feel similarly?

>spent my audible credits for a subscription to Opie & Anthony

Mankind lasted thousands of years without reading. Why start now?

>tfw you and your jewess gf will never perpetuate the anti-white theme of academia as lecturers and then later shove your black cock down her throat and call her a kike

why live

>tfw the perspiration starts

>tfw you're trying to read Infinite Jest but your housemates are too noisey and break your concentration

Which language allows for the most free-thinking?

Which region of the world most consistently produces pained, tortured writers?

My money's on Russia or maybe post-War Japan