/lit/ - Literature

>>23278985
>>23279064
She wasn't sad that you didn't enjoy the peach, she's sad that you're a depressed sad person and nothing she did in raising you prevented that from happening. It's not that she wanted to make you happy for just a moment by giving you a peach, it's that at the core of her action she wanted to make you a happy, fulfilled person, even if just for a moment. By throwing away the peach you (symbolically) rejected her attempt at enriching your life, and it just reinforced the fact that she's a failure as a mother in her mind.

t. also has a neurotic mother who does this same shit

I read The Raven by candle light the other day, it took me 40 minutes but it was canon.

>>22971938
We have a parasocial relationship. I talk to you every day.

>be me
>waste Saturday evening, eat carby food that's not healthy but not total junk
>sleep at midnight, wake up
>browse internet on phone in bed
>decide I need a new gym routine; browse /fit/ archives and Google and choose one, but not before lots of stressing over having to accept a Spook
>go to gym, lift weights, feel demoralised at seeing gymthots
>go back home, eat very carby food
>browse internet
>daylight totally gone by time I leave house
>buy sugary coffee, been drinking it in car while browsing internet for a while
>thought I'd binge on fast food but may not have enough room; may buy chocolate from supermarket and tell myself it's time to be healthy from tomorrow
>Sunday mourning isn't prominent at all because there are only 7 working days before my Christmas holidays start and I know the week won't be busy

My patheticness has been at the forefront of my mind in recent days. I'm an ugly beta and there's no reason why people would want to be around me. I'm a huge blank of a person. I don't believe in anything and I'm not stupid enough to be edified by lifting weights or anything that doesn't take mental effort. And I'm too lazy for effort


I talked about the job interviews I'm currently doing. If I did get an offer, I'm really looking forward to that intermediate stage between jobs where the pressure has gone from my current one and I may have to take a few days off because of accrued holidays. That type of period is really a beautiful thing.

I rearranged my book shelves and cupboards. Even with a very shallow reorganisation there are over 20 books which I am on the verge of simply throwing in recycling and a similar number that I doubt I'll ever read again / at all but will keep for pseud cred or future reconsideration. I should have bought non-fiction. I should have spent less time consumercucking and more time producerbulling.

I looked at a weather forecast for Los Angeles. My life is a waste.

>be me last night
>finished work, went driving outside, drank coffee in car, lifted light weights at gym and did barely any cardio; was so tired and weak
>was worrying entire evening about a Friday meeting with my manager where I thought there was a 20 % chance I'd be fired and 60 % sure I'd get a formal warning; not for doing anything wrong, just for general autistness
>wasted time online in bed on Thursday night until past 1 am
>woke up at 7 am, had a shit
>tried to go back to sleep, couldn't
>started work
>barely any work today but too worried to enjoy free time
>had a painfully awkward meeting where my autistness was on full display (not involving my manager or anyone I work with regularly)
>spend next few hours not doing much
>have meeting with manager... nothing bad happens or was mentioned
>feel huge weight lifted, not sure why I was worrying
>spend more time doing nothing
>spend last working hour on a job interview for a job I want to switch to; went as well as can be expected
>spent two hours applying for jobs after work
>now driving in car, drinking coffee, will go to gym later

It seems like I can enjoy the weekend without pressure, unlike the previous one.

I need to lose 30 lbs of weight but I can't be bothered to give up junk food. I want to have KFC this weekend. And I want burger king because I haven't had that for months. I want to have the McDonald's promotional Christmas burgers again. But I can't fool myself anymore in to thinking my weight is acceptable.

I bought some physical books and felt ashamed of my consumercucking.

Currently thinking about how I'm an ugly joyless beta that people rightfully don't want to be around.

Currently thinking about that time around when the PS3 era started that the joy and wonder drained out of vidya for me (mainly because of age) and the hollow feeling that came as a result.

>finished work on Friday late afternoon
>lied in bed, browsing internet
>slept from 8.30 to 11.30
>browsed internet more, slept
>woke up early on Saturday but after a lot of sleep
>drank coffee, browsed internet
>went to gym, lifted weights
>read book at home, ate regular food
>went for a one hour walk while listening to Cum Town
>sat in car and drank coffee while browsing internet
>bought and ate fast food and chocolate at home
>was still 8 pm but wasted past few hours
>now 11 pm and lying in bed
>dreading Sunday because that's when I dread Monday

I was thinking about maybe trying to be super frugal to save more money and see if I could do it but I decided it's not worth the effort.

I really dread my job these days. The actual work is brainless and easy but I'm judged so harshly by my manager because I'm not a normie. I can see what will inevitably happen. I'll do the work and when performance review time arrives he'll make up some vague interpersonal or communication related complaint and say I did badly. I thought I'd put lots of effort in to the job but there's no point now. The worry about this is ruining my free time outside work. All the senior managers in my division are repulsive, physical decaying or decayed middle aged people.

There is nothing I want to read.

>be me after work yesterday
>so tired
>decide to go to gym after work
>drink coffee in car first while browsing internet
>was too tired to go to gym
>went to shiny supermarket and bought junk food
>ate junk food at home, applied to jobs, went to bed, slept before midnight
>woke up at 6 am, browsed internet instead of going back to sleep
>lied in bed for 30 minutes before work while trying to go back to sleep; was so pleasant but couldn't get to sleep and alarm went
>start work
>do work
>send some important emails
>create some pointless reports
>have lunch, go back to work
>have some pointless meetings
>feeling sad about job; not motivated to put in effort when I'll be judged solely by whether normies relate to me or not
>finish work
>decide to go driving in car, browsing internet, drinking coffee
>will go to gym but too low energy and tired to lift heavy weights so I'll do cardio
>will waste time at home afterwards

Work is a depressing, dull grind. Why even bother when my boomer manager dislikes me?

I still haven't found the ability to do anything productive in my free time. It has been rampant sub-consumercuckoldry for months.

I listen to podcasts in the car now because it's too dark and cold to go walking on weekdays after work.

When I look at the senior people at my workplace, I'd feel like a failure if I was in their position.

>be me
>went walking yesterday as the daylight went away
>drank coffee in car, browsed internet
>bought fast food and ate it at home while browsing internet
>wasted rest of evening on internet and reading
>woke up on Sunday morning after 8 hours of sleep
>browsed internet in bed, watched comfy videos about Japan
>drank coffee while browsing internet
>went driving outside; intended to go for a walk in the morning but decided to read while drinking sugary coffee in car
>drove home, ate regular food
>did chores
>did 40 minutes of work in advance of tomorrow
>watched tennis while eating junk food
>was 6 pm and the Sunday evening dread is truly here; comfiness has evaporated
>plan to drink coffee, waste time, do light cardio in gym, browse internet or read in bed, then sleep

I'm feeling sad at work not just because it's Sunday but because my boomer manager dislikes me. Normies find me repulsive. They are offended by the idea of me advancing at work. I get vague criticisms about my "engagement" or some other bullshit.

I'm hoping I can finally start doing productive stuff in my free time tomorrow.

I looked at the weather in Los Angeles and feel insanely jealous.

I looked at the price for a holiday to Tokyo a few days ago while tired and lying in bed before work started and I was pleasantly surprised.

>finished a tiring week of work on Friday after 5 pm
>boomer manager thinks I suck at my job because I'm not a normie
>lie in bed after work, planned to sleep for a few hours then go to gym
>find out Rittenhouse verdict was happening, put live stream on my phone a few minutes before it starts
>heart pounding, then felt huge relief and happiness; it was the first happening that has emotionally touched me for as long as I can remember (idk, maybe I felt genuinely sad when Chauvin went to jail)
>browse internet for rest of evening, decide to skip gym
>bought some junk food, ate it
>woke up on Saturday
>browsed internet in bed, drank coffee, went to gym
>lifting went well; felt sad at seeing gymthots
>ate regular food at home; ate too much to have a fast food binge later today
>browsed internet, applied for jobs, watched tennis
>went driving and then walked outside during the last of today's daylight as I listened to Cum Town
>now drinking coffee in car while browsing internet
>plan to buy some junk food, eat it at home, then probably play vidya for first time in weeks
>went to cinema for most of the past few weekends but nothing I really want to see now

Before today I hadn't exercised since the previous weekend. I woke up too early on most weekdays and browsed the internet on my phone instead of going back to sleep, so I was too tired after work.

Tomorrow I plan to wake up early, watch comfy videos about Japan while drinking coffee, and go for a walk well before noon, so I can enjoy the daylight before the pre-Monday mourning period. I expect my day to lose all purpose after 1 pm tomorrow and I'll likely totally waste it.

I'm once again being confronted with pure normieness at work and being told how crap I am because I'm not enough of a normie. Advancement in the company seems totally dependent on being part of a hive mind and being a posh normie clone.

>be me last night
>tiring day at work
>lied in bed after work for almost 2 hours
>did chores, browsed internet
>realised in evening that I couldn't be bothered going to gym
>browsed internet in bed, slept
>woke up today 3 hours too early
>browsed internet for hour, slept for another hour and half
>started work
>work was a mixture of boring meetings, one tiring meeting, unrewarding pieces of work, emails
>saw a qt's picture as her Outlook picture and it was depressilising
>today was likely the most tiring day; had to skip lunch break
>finished work after 5
>decided to reward myself with a drive to nowhere, with a fattening coffee
>browsed internet in car
>decided to go to a shiny supermarket and buy junk food (chocolate, Doritos, sweets); knew I would skip the gym again
>ate junk food at home (though I hadn't eaten much previously in the day), skipped gym
>now lying in bed, will sleep in less than 2 hours

Work is so unrewarding. Around a third of my time is meetings where I do very little. Around a third is meetings where I talk about stuff and ask others about stuff they find obvious. And the rest is work. And work mostly consists of emails to other people where I ask about stuff I don't quite know anything about, creating presentations and short reports that explain very little, and organising meetings.

I look at the Defence PowerPoints Twitter account and feel a deep jealousy.

I had this memory appear in my mind where I was in a bathroom cubicle in a London train station 7 years ago, taking mobile phone pictures of the top of my head to check if I was balding. I was there for a job interview. I wasn't balding and am still not balding. I had been to London so few times at that point, I noticed the sheen of grime that coated me every time I was there for the day.

I've been thinking a lot recently about how things are so stacked against me because I'm an ugly beta male. Everything is an uphill struggle in the workplace. People see me as shit.