/lit/ - Literature

>>17072193
i think about suicide hundreds of times a day, and have for maybe 2 years now, but i don't think it means anything. i just avoid therapy since i dont think my therapist would agree with me on this.

but i have the ULTIMATE solution for you: close your eyes. imagine a reality where you would be happy. ANY reality, it doesn't have to be feasible. it can be anything. what is happening? do you see dragons, two chicks at the same time slobbing your nob, money, what do you see? are you a NEET? are you in a log cabin in the mountains with your wife, churning butter like heidegger? do you want to BE somebody else? is your only happiness derived from being a personality you envy? what is it? now, and bear with me here, if you can imagine ANYTHING, it doesn't matter what, if you can even peer into an imaginary blissful transience, you are ready for the NEXT STEP:
>ACTUATE
actuate. just actuate bro. if what you imagined is already feasible then i'm not even begging any questions here. get the fuck out and actuate. stop reading this. you already know what you have to do. close your eyes, subtract, and then actuate, over and over, negative feedback. did you watch a lot of Rome and decide you want to BE julius caesar? well, that's an easy one. the tenuous part of the plan is gathering enough legions to take over a small coastal town, but hell caesar wouldn't even be able to do that in 2020, the easy part here is *becoming* him. just be like him, say things he says, if you say anything else, apply negative feedback. avoid it. this is how the entire field of control theory functions. this is how rockets get to outer space, and how your body maintains its temperature. anything that isn't total chaos can be modeled and controlled with a bit of linear algebra. if what you imagined was "riding on the back of a dragon" then you are probably confused. how many actuators does it take to literally meet God right now? you're asking the wrong questions, but one. the answer is one. one actuator to stop yourself from stopping yourself thinking you can't literally meet god right now. if you can imagine happiness, you can be happy. the desire-(un)reality difference can be actuated. if you can measure your surroundings, and have a set point, and the controller that is your brain can not only store data, but remember past experiences, and anticipate future ones, all thats left is actuation. PID. MPC. FOC. your brain is capable of all of this. pic related dominated a gorilla with literally nothing but self-confidence

the real problem is if you can't imagine any reality in which you would be happy. that's where im at, and thats why im literally going to kill myself right now

>>9856945
i regret taking an exchange year to sweden instead of korea/japan or even china. that was 6 years ago. now i'm moving to the UK to study engineering, and if i dig myself out of this hole of debt im about to get myself into fast enough i want to go study an asian language for a couple years. we'll see what happens. i don't have friends anymore, hopefully i'll meet some asian kids at this university im going into. i also feel pathetic for starting uni at 22 especially since i've never had a job

my life is great all things considered though