/lit/ - Literature

This is the second story I've ever written and I'm still in the initial phase.

I would like some feedback on the prose; I'm looking to create something pre-cyberpunk.

I was thinking I might need more detail here and there, fleshing the scenery and other things out a bit. Let me know what you think, lay the truth on me, I'm just starting out so getting any hate is actually well accepted as it'll only help me improve.