/lit/ - Literature

>>14112243
kek

ITT: Funny Moments in books

Voltaire - Candide (1759)

While he was thus lamenting his fate, he went on eating. The sun went down. The two wanderers heard some little cries which seemed to be uttered by women. They did not know whether they were cries of pain or joy; but they started up precipitately with that inquietude and alarm which every little thing inspires in an unknown country. The noise was made by two naked girls, who tripped along the edge of the meadow, while two monkeys were pursuing them nibbling their buttocks. Candide was moved with pity; he had learned to fire a gun in the Bulgarian service, and he was so clever at it, that he could hit a filbert in a hedge without touching a leaf of the tree. He took up his double-barrelled Spanish fusil, let it off, and killed the two monkeys.

"God be praised! My dear Cacambo, I have rescued those two poor creatures from a most perilous situation. If I have committed a sin in killing an Inquisitor and a Jesuit, I have made ample amends by saving the lives of these girls. Perhaps they are young ladies of family; and this adventure may procure us great advantages in this country."

He was about to continue in this vein, but stopped abruptly on seeing the two girls fondly embracing the two monkeys and shedding tears over their bodies, while they filled the air with most pitiful cries.

"I have never seen such magnanimity,' he said to Cacambo, after he had surveyed the scene for some time.

'A pretty piece of work, sir!" said Cacambo. 'You have killed those two young ladies' lovers.'

Do you use humour in your writing? If so, how?

>he's a literalist
>he doesn't use the one skill the human brain is actually good at
>he's basically a robot with eyebrows