/lit/ - Literature

I'm working on some Burroway prompts and was wondering if anyone could help me out. I'm honestly not too sure how to format the descriptions between bits of dialogue. For instance, when one character is speaking and it is interrupted by the actions of another. I know if the dialogue is interrupted by the same character then you keep it all in one line/paragraph. But normally, for dialogue you take a new paragraph when the speaker changes, so I'm a little confused what to do. Posted the prompt and my attempt, would appreciate any critique (even not to do with the dialogue specifically).