/lit/ - Literature

>>7153647
>fingernails rilled with shit
the word rilled doesn't work here
i love the dream-association from glaring at grandma to the scrap metal place
the fingering grandma part was pretty edgy but somehow still pretty funny especially the term "ring finger"
>is she delusional? insane?
hahaha
>'four letter word for a woman, ending in 'u-n-t'?'
>'Aunt'
>'Do you have an eraser?'
this makes the otherwise edgy use of the word cunt earlier worthwhile really funny and good flow
>you probably don't believe
this annoys me
don't tell me what i think
the latter half of this sucks apart from the description of o-ring
>why do women like being tied up
shit
>my thoughts are like chewing on tinfoil
cliche, shit

>>7031608
parts of this are good
>masturbating whatever spare seed he had
ha!
but this is really wordy for no reason and doesn't feel very tightly edited and some of the metaphors run on too long clunk up everything like the dessicated eel part . also
>the act of ejaculation
ejaculation isn't really an act and again too wordy, the sentence would function equally well starting on ejaculation

>>7031022
mate joyce was writing fucking ages ago this is not fresh or interesting anymore
with that said it being what it is good stuff nonetheless i like it a lot although please edit it wall of text is draining to read

>>7030586
so wordy fuck
you don't need to be in a rush to pull out all of your tricks from the bag at once
save some words for later
also
>somewhere in one's insides
>one
no
also this is really vague, despite/due to the wordiness i guess. what actually transpired here? he went to jump off the rock, missed and fell and hurt himself ? what was the sound ?
this needs to be condensed into way less sentences

>>7030332
is this how you think or speak irl
have you been in any sort of comparative situation to this
no you haven't had this experience and it feels forced and stale as the rehash of cliches it is

>>7030315
being oblique doesn't always sound wise
also using religious themes and mythical figures is pretty tedious unless you're doing something really whacky with them

>>7030301
>>7030296
pointing out how obnoxious your writing is doesn't make it any better
it makes it worse
>whether you saw me as genius, ridiculous or total try-hard
>you had to listen to me
holding readers hostage to your shitty writing is all you've got.. ?