/lit/ - Literature

>>17289527
downvoted

>>8762125

>I'm lying in bed feeling very sad and lonely and ashamed
I physically cringed at this line. Le epic "I casually talk about how want to kill myself xD"

The rest of your poem I actually enjoyed, but it ends too sloppily.

>>8763679
Cute, I feel like it could be expanded upon

>>8763693
Not bad, but it sounds like it would be better in portuguese.

>>8763660
Great ideas behind the poem, but some of the particular phrasing is cliche (heart-breaking, drinking away, hopes and dreams darkening, their offering)


>>8761231
I wish it was more connected, and the words "nape" and "bosom" don't seem to belong, but otherwise this is a good poem