/lit/ - Literature

>>12787187
I think it's more a dream than any possible reality, bro. I wanted to for soo long, ever since childhood, but I'm not as strong, smart, or capable as I thought. I'm just so tired

My first year of college I had a really rough time. A girl I was somewhat friends with in high school was also having a bad time at her college, we texted constantly during the day and had long phone conversations on the weekends. It was really nice, the closest I've ever felt to another person.

We hung out a lot during the following summer and then when we resumed school she stopped keeping in touch and I've seen her maybe twice since. Now that've completed my transition into hermitdom I find myself really missing those dumb conversations. Ever since I was 12 or so I've struggled to fit in socially, never having good friends or a gf or anything. For that little while freshman year I felt like I did.

>go traveling
>hate it, incredibly lonely, want to be home in my comfy room drinking tea and back in a region I know
>come back home
>hate it, hate being in a shithole town with no good friends and nothing new or interesting happen
>long only for the open road and new adventures
I really hate myself

>tfw been traveling for seven weeks
I think I'm ready to go home lads.

>solo travel for the first time
>only gone and done tourist shit as a kid with my parents before
>realize how fucking huge the world is and how little time I have to explore it
>realize I'll probably have to get a real job soon so I'll have even less time
>now feel deeply conflicted in my desire to get a qt gf and a comfy home and my new desire to see the world
I unironically need books and / or advice for this feel.

>no close friends
>work part time
>nothing to do all day except post on 4chan and lift heavy objects
>decide to go traveling
>fall for the /trv/ memes about life changing experiences
>make plans
>pretty hyped for a couple
>actually go
>feel largely apathetic
>coffee time is still highlight of day
>life is basically the same except now I browse 4chan from a remote foreign countryside location instead of a small American town
Is this depression? I seriously don't know what's wrong with me. Could it be that since everything is so new and different I don't have enough of a reference to get excited over it? Like I'm not unhappy or anything and it's nice to get out somewhere new and see new things and practice a new language, etc, but I'm not feeling the sheer encompassing bliss that normies seem to have whenever they post about going to Spain on instagram. My favorite moment so far was chatting with a coffee waitress, which is the same thing I do at home only with better scenery.