/lit/ - Literature

>>22846856

>>22565546

>>21699292
>spake

>>15439997
>wall of text
>its about a girl

uhhh

>>13253892
Not only do I hate myself as a character, I hate myself as a person, and as a physical presence, and as a reaction to others actions. If I was christian I would be gnostic, because it makes the most sense. My conscioussness is trapped in this pale, doughy, grotesque mass of flesh. I don't like LSD because it just heightens it. I havn't gotten disassociated in a while, which is good, but still not that great. Sometimes I feel mute. When my thoughts turn inwards I find it hard to even open my mouth. Like it's not meant for speaking. I hope I make it but I've been hoping that since I was 16 and that was a while ago and when I was 16 I also promised myself that I wouldn't think about suicide until I was 20 and now I'm 20 and the memory reminds me that I still havn't made it. I hope I make it. If I don't make it by 25 I don't know. I hope I make it.

I recently overcame a mental block that made me want to go through books and learning routes simply because the mass of pseudo intellectuals said I should. Now that I am free I realise I have no real desires.

I don't even have a strong desire for coffee and junk food ffs. If you saw me a few weeks ago you'd think I had grown some steel balls level of brute willpower but I still feel like inertia is my dominant force.

Any advice on life now that I am near completely atomised in terms of desires, social life, etc?

My only real beliefs are that I should learn a lot of maths and read lots of books (because they are theoretical, maths as something requiring rigour) and do practical things (like programming actual real world things, not avoiding the real world by doing tutorials but diving right in). In terms of socially, I guess I should retain the best job I can but I am a social failure. I am spiritually imprisoned by my knowledge that all axioms are arbitrary so I see philosophy proselytisers as either dishonest or stupid.

>cloudy and warm day in London
>woke up at 8:30 am
>read 120 pages of Bleeding edge and surprisingly liked it, wasn't even bored after that much reading
>after shaving, wasting time on the internet, and eating, i only leave the flat at 3 pm
>will have my first coffee for over 5 days
>won't have junk food today and haven't had any for over 5 days
>felt too detached from humanity to feel very sad about being alone on a Friday night but still sad enough to make this on topic feels thread

Have I reached the promised land of accepting my worthlessness?

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing

>reading Ubik
>it's boring
>persevered until page 170
>about 50 pages left
>read it over 6 years ago and was bored back then

Not enough pseud cred to bother

Guys, I have a copy of bleeding edge that I'll start soon but when I look at any page it reads like Reddit to the power of Reddit. No joke. How is this acceptable?

OP you are right. 40 hours isn't nothing, like some people claim it is. My commute was only 30 minutes, my job 9-5, and i felt the same way. I still work the same job but barely go in to the office because I have no work to do (I'm an intern). Today I arrived at 1 pm, left at 4 pm and most of that was lunch. Obviously as someone with any seniority at all, that would not be possible. I also work a government job.

When I actually stayed from 9 to 5.30 with 30 minutes for lunch I was spiritually crushed. I was dumbfounded by how little free time I had after work. Obviously my mornings were gone. I resented all chores. Sitting in an office chair is like some sort of cuck shed tier punishment. My balls squashed in a chair, in an open plan office designed to breed conformity, hearing the normie platitudes all around me (not that I even talked to them, I could sit next to them and be classed as the ugly loser), struggling to hear myself think, was hellish.

With how little I work right now, such a ridiculously small amount, I am probably in some blessed period of life without being able to fully appreciate it.

Oh yeah, and all the stuff you're supposed to do: exercising 6 or 7 times a week (which I like), reading 30 to 60 pages of books a day to avoid being a philistine, cooking and eating healthily, socialising or internet to avoid insanity, learning new skills like programming, doing something practical, a solid 8 hours of sleep a nighg... there is NO WAY to do all this as a 9-5 wagecuck

I'm reading the world until yesterday on my phone in commutes, a few pages at a time. It's too boring to read at home (and i would read a book I potentially liked on short commutes) but it feels like it has some pseud cred. But not as much as guns, germs and steel which I read the same way.

What are some nonfiction books worth reading on a commute but not at home?

As I've posted with multiple other books, the world until yesterday is another book I feel like I have to read only for the pseud cred. It's a boring information dump that could easily be summarised, like guns germs and steel.

>devoting yourself to a god instead of becoming one

What's a good nonfiction book in Spanish? Spanish is my first language but I just realized that I've never completed a book that wasn't a kids book in Spanish

>>9586625
>achilles is about to kill hektor
>apollo pulls him into a mist
>achilles is about to kill hektor again
>Apollo pulls him into the mist
>achilles is about to kill hektor a third time
>le mist
greatest work in Western literature my fucking ass.

>>9411095
Oh boy, the good ol' Sapir-Whorf nonsense, never gets old.

>open a book
>50 pages long editorial foreword
Why do these people assume anyone gives a shit?

>novel is about coming to terms with mortality

>press enter in the middle of a fucking sentence
>I maek potterey!

>reading
>effort
Physical labour must be literally impossible for you

>modern cultures

How do I become the sort of person who works really fucking hard and gets stuff done? I'm not even asking for a higher IQ, I'd basically run the world if I could work for more than a few hours without giving myself a BS excuse for stopping.

>open a book
>some fuckface editor's 30 page introduction

>decide my only life philosophy should be to live according to my sense of aesthetics
>can't figure out right now whether getting a McDonalds meal would violate that or not

>all these "great" novels about depression, nihilism, struggle, and virtues of simple life were written by rich, overpriviledged aristocrats who never had a want in life