/lit/ - Literature

I need to find a job before the end of June or I will be homeless. I'm not searching. I'm not even doing anything. I'm sitting here in my room in my parent's home, my presence barely tolerated like a lingering smell , and I'm distressing over the dumbest shit. I've spent the last 2 days pining over some shitty MMO I could write entire books on detailing all the flaws and lack of fundamental satisfaction within, but I've spent most of my remembered life on this game, and I so desperately want to return to it. Each time I reinstall it I quit soon after and repeat this process. I'm alone in life and in the game. I cannot make new friends in it, all of my old acquaintances have long gone. Yet I still so desperately want to return, to that point in time when something held my attention and people reacted to my voice and spoke to me with welcome. I would give anything for it, even knowing it's a hollow existence, rats in a skinner box, witling away their few precious years on someone else's world intentionally made to trap and squander you. I've uninstalled for the last time, but all I can think is the real world so very different? I'm not able to make connections here either, but at least there I understood the rules and mechanisms involved, was an expert, had a kind of value. I want to shake these demented thoughts and dream something new but the old has been repeatedly burned into my eyes I can't recognize anything else.