/lit/ - Literature

>>23237422
>maid and butler
What does this mean?

>cut the first line
So like, the whole bit at the beginning where he explains it why they're not flying?

>>23237471
>you're 'appropriating' an antiquated style; it sucks. in theory it might work, but you aren't pulling it off
I'm not sure where or what is like that. Can you go a bit more in-depth about it?

I'll admit most of my literature experience has been either scientific studies or the ASOIAF book series, which I know were actually written a pretty long time ago.

>and then the fixation on your character going pee pee and poo poo. yea, i've read like a dozen fantasy books this year that never felt the need to do this. and it contradicts the style you're going for.
I admit it was just a reason for him to be alone in the woods away from his father. I suppose there could be another reason like the kid being a dumbass and wandering off during a rest because he was bored.

>dialogue is stilted. pacing is alright, but it's uninteresting. they aren't human, and? lack of worldbuilding. needs more showing.
Do you have any suggestions? I don't have much experience creative writing unfortunately, most of my writing has been scientific papers and presentations, and my presentation style relies a lot on body language and audience engagement.

>seems like you're getting hung up on something. hence the rewrite suggestion. also, fuck a prologue.
So the basic premise is there's a war coming and I wrote this prologue to set up the incoming invasion. The emblem the first bandit has on his tabard is of a kingdom that fell to an invading force, he's a bandit that fled up north when the invasion first occurred.