/lit/ - Literature

Does anyone have a feeling of ambivalence toward social interactions? The loneliness is crushing me, but as soon as I "enter the world" and manage to socialize, it always feels as if it's weighing down on me -- I'm not sure whether I'm actually engaged and even remotely interested in doing so. What enhances the pain is my own imagination, people having fun and I envy them, but at the same time trying to mimic the fun they have feels empty.