/lit/ - Literature

>>21476424
nothing to fear if you got nothing to hide

>>20965392
4
My posts are good and tame.
The auspice of posting here is anathema in and of itself, however.

>>20708626
ok

>>20708515
You prose is very repetitive, and I see some redundancies. Nearly every sentence is "The [noun] [verbed]". Of course, all sentences consist of a subject and a verb, but in this case you are simply listing off the actions of the characters and objects in the passage. It's unvarying and robotic. Normally I would advise against using a thesaurus since most amateur writers overuse and misuse thesauruses, but in your case in would help with recurrent style of your sentences. Be sure to tinker with the structure of your sentences and switch between passive and active voices so every sentence doesn't start with "the". Learning proper punctuation and formatting will make what you write seem less amateurish as well. Only misuse punctuation when it serves a good purpose. Although, I'm not sure if you're deliberately misusing such punctuation like two periods in the dialogue "You will die..I WILL END YOU, FAKER!", or if you simply didn't bother to do basic revising and editing.
You clearly have vision for what you write, but any vivid and colorful pictures you have in your mind will be ignored by the audience if your prose starts to bore them. I'm not going to comment on the cheesy dialogue since I honestly find how over the top it is to be based, even if it is terrible.

>>13438858
Well then keep at it bro, the journey is the destination. There is no shame in baby steps, don't think in terms of "minimal gains".