/lit/ - Literature

>>13635230
For years i've been stuck in a cycle of apathy. I can't escape, and its getting worse every day. I can't even feel emotions anymore, i'm just constantly the same kind of tired. I'm currently in Hamburg, a city famed for its nightlife, visiting my parents who might as well be strangers and tomorrow i have the house all to myself, and i'm still gonna just be sitting here playing video games. I have no friends. I feel like i desperately want to do something, anything, but the only thing i can think of is sitting here and do nothing, the same thing i've done for about a decade now. No one knows this, and i've thought about getting help, but i don't know anyone, and everytime i think about going to a therapist or so for example, at least just to open up, i'm filled with utter disgust, paralysis and dread. Even then i've wasted so much already.
I feel so disconnected from everything, like life itself is just a colorful mural growing ever so silently in front of my eyes, and the paint is running out.