/lit/ - Literature

Sick again, but not depressed at this moment. Same sense of brain-numbness that's been with me for weeks. I don't know who I'm writing this for, you or me.

I fill out the captchas before I write my post so I have nothing to worry about. Google's been making me do the same 4-5 captchas again and again, it's really starting to disturb me. Are they all out of data? Do they think I'm a bot?

Why can't I write anything? Last semester I was almost hitting my stride, to the degree that I thought I had something inside myself besides this awful feeling of emptiness (last phrase cribbed from my own thoughts, itself a rehearsed inauthentic phrase. Wow even when I'm just talking to myself I'm so stupid that my lazy eyes can't help roaming back across what little I've already done and tried to pick up those crumbs... what I mean is that when I think I'm watching the lines get typed it always ends up that I repeat the words above, on the line just above where the word is. It's so fucking stupid cause it doesn't make any sense, it's an animal mindset kind of thing and it hurts the lexical diversity and makes it so that nobody reads what you write, for good reason, cause it means that you weren't even paying attention, and not in a good way.

Fuck I'm getting so uncomfortable in this chair, and it's pretty comfortable, too, so stupid. Was this cause I had matcha tea like 8 hours before? I'm getting so foggy minded and exhausted all the time, even without this hot weather (why do I sound like a jew? I'm not as smart as a jew, but I have all the downsides)... what the fuck was I talking about ? Sophomoric use of swear words to try and conjure up a POINT to any of this ? Oh yes, to take a deep breath, expand on the post window, and admire what I've gotten to so far. Just long enough for me to gather my thoughts and remember what I was originally complaining about. It's getting to the point where I can't fucking function without these fucking gook candy bars my friend bought in a japanese airport. And that the shit. What happened to my sense of humor ? I'm afraid all these chinks I'm constantly surrounded by (lord forgive me) have killed my sex drive and made me dull and humorless. But lord do I pore over those dry discrete math textbooks like Buckminster fuller himself was two handed goosing me. that's just a tradition in the mainland, you know. Builds integrity and solidity of asian values. Learned recently that in my homeland, all of my surname were celebrated bards and poets.

What the fuck is wrong with my libido? I'm fucking borderline impotent recently, even the hotbutton mammalian nerve sysem configuration triggers that have been statistically chink designed to appeal to my own specific stoachistic bundle of psychosexual hang-ups and joys no longer has any draw for me. I often have little visions of the lord himself waving his magic hand over that part of my animal brain and turning it grey like in the drug commercials. Oh fuck out of time already.