/lit/ - Literature

This is awful. If you paid even a little bit of attention in a very low level intro to creative writing lecture you wouldn't write like this. None of it is good. There is not even a discernable trace of talent.

>"That was amazing. Tell him it was amazing, my internal voice knells. "
>"He turns his head to me, and a soft smile appears."
>"I turn onto my side, making my body appear svelte and beguiling."

Every sentence starts with "I" statements like you're a fucking teenager fanfic writer. "I cannot.." "His body is..." "He has a.." "I cannot.." "I envision..." "I turn..." "I trace..."