/lit/ - Literature

>>21623149
You've got too many irrelevant details in there and you're over explaining everything. You're using very direct language too. I can't write very well but this would've been how I'd have put it down for the first draft, though I'd never have written it in first person.
As for your question, why is the protagonist saying that Steve isn't dead?
He should be pretending that he was killed by someone/something other than himself. Then, as he and Hanako travel around trying to survive, and the protagonist (not "MC") has seemingly gotten what he wanted, Hanako can slowly come to realise that the protagonist has murdered Steve because
>of the protagonist's guilt (if he's that way inclined)
>the lengths the protagonist will go to get what he wants, now he's in charge of the group
Maybe Hanako notices the protagonist's inclination towards violence or that he can't deal with losing. I like the idea that after Steve's death they bond and travel around together for a while, but eventually meet and join up with another group. The protagonist is perhaps insecure around the young, athletic men in the new group who remind him of Steve, yet he has to reluctantly join them because his love for Hanako overpowers his selfish nature, whcih would be to keep her all to himself, even though it reduces their chances of survival. Then, when he feels the most threatened (he and Hanako have an arguement or something) he schemes once again to commit murder because he thinks *insert character* is going to steal her away from him. Hanako finds out and, realising his capacity for murder, puts it together, seeing that he's trying to kill to get her to himself, just like he did at the start.

And one thing I wanted to mention, "Hanako" and "Steve" aren't names which sound like they belong in the same setting. What's the protagonist called?