/lit/ - Literature

>>20645801
This is just an edgy Home Alone fanfic without the creative traps, an idea that's about as trite and juvenile as Mario ingesting mushrooms.
I can't even engage with the ideas beyond that so I'm just going to point out that this might be the worst use of dialogue tags I have ever seen. You get better with them in the second half, but you make the mistake of forcing an action before the dialogue instead. Let your audience infer who is speaking. You only deliver two sentences as pure dialogue.

Oh, and since people aren't allowed to criticize your writing without posting some of their own for some reason, here is a small continuation of my horsefucker story.