/lit/ - Literature

Anonymous Sun Jan 10 06:19:46 2016 No.7566750 [View]
File: 92 KB, 761x686, excerpt1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>7559567
this is genuinely great, i really like this.

>>7559618
some really novel ideas, 'sunset' is great, 'baby' is a little weaker...it seems to be conflicted between writing in a matter-of-fact tone and a flowery tone. for instance, the tone is nice and simple until the line " I want her to suck my engorged phallus while I admire the coordinated symphony of atrophied facial muscles contract and release", which comes off kinda clunky and awkward. sunset is brilliant though.

here an excerpt from a short story or novella or something i'm writing just now

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/lit/ - Literature

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