/lit/ - Literature

I'm at the point where every single time I masturbate I have a few revelations about myself that fundamentally changes the way I view myself/others. Anywhere there's a feeling of unresolved tension (there's probably a better way to put this, maybe it's more like ambivalence about a certain quality) between aspects of myself causes sexual excitement, and resolution causes me to seek out other parts of my self that have that same or similar issues. It's edging, but with ideas.
I don't like feeling so mutable, but at the same time I also don't like not thinking about these aspects of myself I'm ignoring. It's scary to feel as though you don't know who you're going to be in a few days, but I think I might prefer being that person than the person I am now.
I'd be hesitant to ask for any books you'd recommend at this point, since I'm in a more impressionable state, but if there's anything you think might be useful I'll consider reading it. I've thought that maybe some alchemy or psychology texts would be helpful, but I don't know which ones, if any, I should read.